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I didn’t have that problem, Jill, & loved the intro-diction of that first line. The final 3 lines of the first verse are a bit opaque, perhaps. I think the pronoun shifts carry us along, though… Doug On Aug 19, 2015, at 6:05 AM, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > Thanks Bill, > > The you and I is definitely shifty, and the we more so. The self-righteous. Hence, the varying diction. > > Well, at least three lines are OK. > > Cheers, > Jill > > > On 19/08/2015, at 8:54 PM, Bill Wootton wrote: > >> Not sure about this one, Jill. It sounds convincing, when you say it aloud. An insistent voice. But the shifts from you, to we, to I, throw me, I've got to say. And the diction shift from almost Biblical 'unto' to vernacular 'dud'? I like the final three lines. >> >> Bill >> >>> On 19 Aug 2015, at 6:13 pm, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote: >>> >>> >>> >>> DUD WINDOWS >>> >>> >>> >>> Keeping sorry keeps nothing. >>> >>> Those leaves you lifted >>> >>> from some important breeze >>> >>> don’t feel like paper. >>> >>> Are they something >>> >>> worth discovering? >>> >>> Who says otherwise? >>> >>> If we know who you are >>> >>> if you looked that might >>> >>> say different. >>> >>> >>> >>> Do we need opinions? >>> >>> Who went there once? >>> >>> Who do you direct >>> >>> your songs unto? >>> >>> And who’s listening? >>> >>> Who, indeed, stares out >>> >>> of windows, looking >>> >>> for someone to blame? >>> >>> Windows and privileges. >>> >>> Dead leaves, dud processes. >>> >>> The list goes on. >>> >>> >>> >>> I’ll be moving in that direction. >>> >>> The one where I trip on my assumptions >>> >>> where the concrete’s cracked. >>> >>> Because I didn’t fix anything I said >>> >>> I’m staring at sky from ground. >>> >>> A storm’s coming out of the hills. >>> >>> The air changes. >>> >>> >>> Douglas Barbour [log in to unmask] Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuation 2 (UofAPress). Recording Dates (Rubicon Press). Done in by creation itself. I mean the gods. Not us. Well us too. The gods moved into books. Who wrote the books? We wrote the books. In whose dream, then are we dreaming? Robert Kroetsch.