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Bill Cairns is that a pile of stones or just dogs? Although dogs can be noisy but hardly a pile of stones unless I suppose it's the wind blowing through-we must have answers!!!(Tom Waits)p:-) -----Original Message----- From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Bill Wootton Sent: 09 July 2014 06:13 To: [log in to unmask] Subject: Re: Silent snap Thanks, Lawrence, Doug, Pat and Andrew. Will contemplate both the advice and support. Silently. In noisy Cairns. Bill On Wed, Jul 9th, 2014 at 12:01 PM, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > I simply like it. > > A > > > On 9 July 2014 02:09, Patrick McManus <[log in to unmask]> > wrote: > > > After two such learned comments I tread carefully I enjoyed the poem > > but (for me it stumbled a bit reading it aloud) Maybe I am missing > > summat! Line nine could be lost but also shouldn't > 'that > > silence' be better 'silence that' then is flows on next lines -also > again > > 'between interludes of chat' s could be better shorter 'between chat' > > Cheers P back to sleep > > > > -----Original Message----- > > From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics > > [mailto:[log in to unmask]] > On > > Behalf Of Lawrence Upton > > Sent: 08 July 2014 16:26 > > To: [log in to unmask] > > Subject: Re: Silent snap > > > > Hi Bill > > I like this; and it's been nagging at me because, possibly with > arrogance, > > I > > think you could make it even better... > > > > What about making line 5 line 4 and vice versa? It changes meanings > without > > contradicting your meanings. It avoids 4 sibilants "silence is > desirable" > > together. I *think it makes your "argument " stronger > > > > I don't think you need line 9. Leaving it out makes you less > > specific, > but > > surely that's not the most important thing. > > > > & finally "establish" bothered me. Sorry but it's a little bit too > > businesslike for me. Best I can come up with is empathise. If it > > *were > my > > poem, I might go for that, odd though it might be. As it isn't my > > poem, I'll just let my muttering fade out with a thanks for what you > > have done > this > > far > > > > L > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > On 8 July 2014 12:55, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > > > > > How to create silence > > > > > > How to establish > > > with someone > > > that silence > > > > > > is desirable > > > is not a vacuum > > > between interludes of chat > > > > > > that silence is > > > what it is. > > > Savourable. > > > > > > bw > > > 8.7.14 > > > > > > > > > -- > Andrew > http://hispirits.blogspot.com/ > 'Undercover of Lightness' > http://walleahpress.com.au/recent-publications.html > 'Shikibu Shuffle' > http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com.au/2012/03/new-from-aboveground-p > ress-shikibu.html > >