Like the final line, for sure, Lawrence, but wonder if you even need the 'whilst'?
Doug
On Jan 10, 2014, at 3:59 AM, Lawrence Upton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Ta
> Rightly or wrongly, while / whilst is deliberate. I'll confer with my
> collaborator
>
> L
>
>
> On 9 January 2014 21:50, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> Like the long neck's reach, L. Not sure of that whilst sitting under
>> while. Good to see you taking the bit (between your teeth?)
>>
>> B
>>
>>> On 10 Jan 2014, at 7:17 am, Patrick McManus <
>> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>>
>>> Watch out for long necked dogs!! Beyond long neck's reach??
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
>>> Behalf Of Lawrence Upton
>>> Sent: 09 January 2014 18:27
>>> To: [log in to unmask]
>>> Subject: revised poem,ta to all
>>>
>>> Ducks toil upon a calm ocean,
>>>
>>> working to stay in place; backing,
>>>
>>> veering, apparently serene,
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> their paddling feet invisible,
>>>
>>> as the dog approaches, reaching
>>>
>>> some tidally-exposed boulders,
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> clambering its loud snorts, panting.
>>>
>>> Gulls hang on almost till the last,
>>>
>>> then wheel and screech above her back
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> while noisy fish smash through water.
>>>
>>> whilst ducks churn it, although taking
>>>
>>> themselves only a long neck's reach.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Richard Kessling / Lawrence Upton
>>>
>>
>
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
Latest books:
Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
Recording Dates
(Rubicon Press)
Swept snow, Li Po,
by dawn’s 40-watt moon
to the road that hies to office
away from home.
Lorine Niedecker
