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I really like the revised version but 'clambering its loud snorts'? would not clambering, snorting, panting, be preferable? John >---- Original Message---- >From: [log in to unmask] >Date: 09/01/2014 18:27 >To: <[log in to unmask]> >Subj: revised poem,ta to all > >Ducks toil upon a calm ocean, > >working to stay in place; backing, > >veering, apparently serene, > > > > their paddling feet invisible, > >as the dog approaches, reaching > >some tidally-exposed boulders, > > > > clambering its loud snorts, panting. > >Gulls hang on almost till the last, > >then wheel and screech above her back > > > > while noisy fish smash through water. > >whilst ducks churn it, although taking > >themselves only a long neck's reach. > > > > Richard Kessling / Lawrence Upton >