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I'll come back to this and look at it again; but at this moment I don't agree; but I *am grateful for the attention On 10 January 2014 10:21, [log in to unmask] < [log in to unmask]> wrote: > I really like the revised version but 'clambering its loud snorts'? > > would not clambering, snorting, panting, be preferable? > > John > > >---- > Original Message---- > >From: [log in to unmask] > >Date: 09/01/2014 > 18:27 > >To: <[log in to unmask]> > >Subj: revised poem,ta to all > > > > >Ducks toil upon a calm ocean, > > > >working to stay in place; backing, > > > > >veering, apparently serene, > > > > > > > > their paddling feet invisible, > > > > >as the dog approaches, reaching > > > >some tidally-exposed boulders, > > > > > > > > > clambering its loud snorts, panting. > > > >Gulls hang on almost till > the last, > > > >then wheel and screech above her back > > > > > > > > while noisy > fish smash through water. > > > >whilst ducks churn it, although taking > > > > >themselves only a long neck's reach. > > > > > > > > Richard Kessling / > Lawrence Upton > > >