Oh, okay, you want the pause, whereas I was thinking it read without any (ie, sans comma).
Doug
On 2013-03-21, at 7:24 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Perhaps you are right, Doug. A semi colon may provide better the anticipatory pause needed. But I have used
> one in the third line which would make another in the fourth look clunky. Perhaps a full stop to close the third
> line.
> Pat, no smell and I seem to have led you astray. This is no subway. Watsonia station is an above-ground train
> station that lies in what we call a 'cutting', so below surrounding road/land level.
>
> Cheers,
> Bill
>
> On Thu, Mar 21st, 2013 at 9:13 AM, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> I like the short drive of it all, but wonder if the first comma in the
>> last line is working as you wish it to...
>>
>> Doug
>> On 2013-03-20, at 10:35 AM, Patrick McManus
>> <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>>
>>> Bill did it smell in the subway?? (or is it only over here??)
>>> P
>>>
>>> -----Original Message-----
>>> From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics [mailto:[log in to unmask]]
>> On
>>> Behalf Of Bill Wootton
>>> Sent: 20 March 2013 15:11
>>> To: [log in to unmask]
>>> Subject: Watsonia Station snap
>>>
>>>
>>> Ramping off-level down to Watsonia station via
>>> concrete returning zigzag lands you on asphalt.
>>> Join the jostle, ready for relay to more crowdplay;
>>> underneath you are, sub-clay, off-street, car-less.
>>>
>>> Bill Wootton
>>>
>>
>> Douglas Barbour
>> [log in to unmask]
>>
>> http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
>> http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>>
>> Latest books:
>> Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
>> http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
>> Recording Dates
>> (Rubicon Press)
>>
>> Reserved books. Reserved land. Reserved flight.
>> And still property is theft.
>>
>> Phyllis Webb
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>
Douglas Barbour
[log in to unmask]
http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/
http://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
Latest books:
Continuations & Continuations 2 (with Sheila E Murphy)
http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=962
Recording Dates
(Rubicon Press)
Reserved books. Reserved land. Reserved flight.
And still property is theft.
Phyllis Webb
