 |
 |
I ended up being so caught up in trying to put the narrative bit together I forgot my original hope of making use of a trochaic meter with a feminine line ending, or double fem ending (I thought a double unstressed line ending was a fem ending... more forgetful still, i guess.) Or, I should say, hinted at trochee with fem line ends. The hints can take over and force a trochaic like rhythm. (I was just rereading Howl... made me think of this revision/ edit, needed.) On 02/08/12 01:05, Douglas Barbour wrote: > I like the turn of the final 2 lines, especially, Chris. > > Doug > On 2012-07-31, at 8:56 PM, chris Jones wrote: > >> >And in the morning: >> > >> >In the local village supermarket store >> >the radio plays an electronic remix >> >of Johnny are you queer >> > >> >Late 20th century disco hit >> >Costello's late night boy bar >> >Kellet Street/ Kings Cross >> >we ate breakfast at Tiffany's >> > >> >and went home/ where ever that was >> >his father frowns at me in his bed >> >too young to screw around; he says >> >after a night together in the boy bar >> >streets of late 70s inner city Sydney >> > >> >crusades for our rights/ too young he says >> >to want human rights as I lay awake in his bed >> >and his father pokes his head through the door >> >he is jealous he says on awakening/ has a hangover >> >was he too young/ was I too young/ I should >> >be dead. He may be is. >> > >> >And those lines last night/ still white powder >> >in the plastic pouch/ at the next stop we >> >shoot smack to bring us down and in the >> >afternoon his father pokes his head in the door >> >and awake in his bed I see his wink: >> > >> >was that disapproval.