Hi Gavi
wasn't sure how to reply because most of what i want to say isn't particularly directed at you, but in reference to the general conversation,
but i do think our exchange provides a good starting point:-

i said that i found your 'ways', not the intellectual content of what you say, more silencing than craig's (although i must admit i found craig difficult when i first came on the list!)
maybe with your terminology we could say your 'ways' (do i mean style? not sure) 'functioned' to silence - because i do remember commenting that i did not think it intentional

 here's a more current example from your reply to me:
  'I note that harassment and bullying are tolerated as par for the course and that style even extolled as a virtue here' 
also that the expressions of this community are a 'perverse norm'

even though when i stand back i can see you were probably upset by what you thought i was saying and felt you had to defend yourself,
I experience these kind of statements as cutting and emotionally overwhelming.
 I do not represent anyone else on the list, nor they me.

you can't really argue with my own experience of reading your emails, even if how you are received is upsetting and surprising to you
equally no one can argue about your experience of reading craig's email
we have to own these as our personal experiences and not blame each other
when we get upset by other people we are often being influenced by our past experiences, and most of us need to stand back and consider that before forcefully correcting the insensitive acts of others

 an attractive tendency for alot of us in community psychology is a focus on how society oppresses us, rather than just seeing individuals as the holders of dysfunction
however to recover or even survive and move beyond 'victim mentality' which is oppressive in itself
we need to take responsibilty for ourselves as much as possible  and how we respond to our situation -
because we are unlikely to be imminenty rescued from oppression by an external agent

 there may be subtly different uses of the phrase 'righteous expertise'; so to be clear, by 'righteous' i meant the force of your rhetoric suggests you clearly believe you are right;
by 'expertise' i meant that you consider yourself an expert ( from your own experience, and others)

i'm not sure what you precisely are asking for as 'basic courtesy' so i would appreciate if we could unpack the phrase
i was brought up to extend basic courtesy to all and sundry, BUT so far i don't recommend it for vampires, psychopaths, secret cocaine addicts, alcoholics, toxic parents, bored children and con artists
 i have had to build a firm filter in terms of examining whether i am being manipulated by other peoples expectations of me
when times are hard just coming from your own truth is challenging enough, without unneccesarily having to take responsibility for how others receive us
 
we are not all profesionals on this list - for me that's a benefit of community psychology,
because the diversity at the edges of disciplines and specialities is so rich for bringing forward new and creative ways to solve problems
i've worked for years to avoid conflict and offense in group work, and i can't see it happening because it seems to be a false flag
 we need to make mistakes to learn
 facilitating an environment where this is comfortable is more helpful than trying to remove conflict or offence

so Gavi i never mean to offend you
but i must be honest, I would have liked to ask questions similar to craig's
i'm interested in what your area of study has to inform us for other areas
because mostly in ground level clinical psychology when an individual holds any beliefs about themselves and reality that others do not agree with, it's called delusional or paranoid
for example belief in harm by black magic, or experience of extra terrestrial abduction
should people such as these not be treated with the same respect?

Steph