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Regards
Shaamiel Davids
Director
H.O.W Rehabilitation Centre
27218533579 (tel)
0866031468  (fax)
http://www.hwtcc.co.za

Dear Colleagues:
In the first U.S. Therapeutic Community, Synanon, there was never a
cardinal rule regarding sexuality.  The original practitioners did not
want to relegate sex, sexuality and relationships to the same negative
domain that they held violence and addiction.  It was thought that many
who entered Synanon had had bad relationships, and these relationships,
whether familial, sexual, etc had contributed to the self-destruction of
the person.  There were two cardinal rules:  1. No violence or threat of
violence,  2. No
Drugs, alcohol or psychotropic substances.   Everything else was
considered to be a "norm", the norms developed out of some of the basic
assumptions in the community.  What all of the basic assumptions were were
something that was continually discussed and defined and re-defined (Think
Talmudic discourse hereŠ). The two that remained constant were that of  1)
being public rather than private and 2) participating rather than being a
spectator.   These two assumptions dissolved when the organization morphed
into its "religious" period n the late l970's after many of the original
founders had died.

Although the phrase "sexual addiction" had not been coined, there was much
discussion regarding the fact that people "used"  sex much like a drug and
were involved in "serial" sexual relationships which were not healthy.
There was concern that not addressing the "whole person" would create
problems later in life for people, and that the entire "human condition"
needed to be addressed.  Synanon referred to itself by name, ( Synanon =
Bringing together the unknown parts) and as a "program for wholeness".

  Much of the discussion regarding sexuality, relationships and healthy
relationships was initiated by Betty Jean Coleman-Dederich, the African
American woman who was married to Chuck Dederich, who herself had been a
prostitute and madam.   She started women's groups in l959, and by l962
had initiated a family program and school so people could bring children.
There was a tremendous emphasis for many years on how to build a
friendship and a relationship that was healthy and friendly to the growth
of character.

In the early years and for many years afterwards, folks stayed in Synanon
for around two or two and a half years.  Some stayed longer and some
shorterŠ In terms of relationships during the first six months or a year
people considered "newcomers" did not  engage in relationships. There was
a lot of protection for new people by the elders in this regard.     When
people were interested in each other they made it "public" and essentially
got feedback through groups and conversations from others and engaged in a
very public courtship for a period of time. eRelationships considered
totally inappropriate by the "gut" of the community were addressed and
usually did not continue. Relationships where people were able to engage
in group process and "explore and actualize" were considered to be "role
model relationships" whether or not people were going through difficulty.
Once people had courted for a period of time ( months) they would arrange
for a "guest room" which were literally rooms that were used for guests,
but also people who were engaged in establishing a relationship.  There
were lots of mens groups, women's groups, couples groups etc etc as well
as a lot of reading and discussion regarding what constituted a "healthy"
relationship -- as opposed to a "normal" relationship.

How people got together was discussed, their relationship was discussed
AND if they separated Betty Dederich had written a "separation ceremony"
in which both parties talked about what had been good about the
relationship in a public setting-- with the intention of acknowledging the
choice that people were making to separate with some grace.   People
'bed-hopping" was discouragedŠ.   No one was ever thrown out for having
sexual relations  --- However, people who were considered to be predatory
sexually were.

In our Amity Community today, we have much shorter, lengths of stay,with
many people only staying for six monthsŠ.in our community based projects.
We do not have "no sex" as a cardinal rule. In the prisons talking about
relationships is critical because there are so many abusive relationships.
 It is harder for most of the men to talk about their sexuality in prison
than it is for the womenŠ.

 In the last 40 years my experience has been that the more healthy
discussion there is regarding sexual abuse with men and women,pornography,
childhood exploitation, prostitution ( men and women) molestation,HIV as
well as what constitutes a HEALTHY friendship/relationship--- the LESS
acting out there isŠŠ The less conversation there is,  regarding the
reality of the experiences people have had in their life with unhealthy
sex/power relationship--- the MORE acting out there is.  My experience
with working with large groups of men in the U.S. Prison system is that
child sexual abuse percentages are increasingly closer to that of women.
SoŠ more conversation = less acting outŠ.. Less conversation= more acting
out.

Important to have men and women irrespective of sexual orientation who are
willing to talk about the elements of healthy good relationshipsŠŠ.

With every good wish to all,

Naya







On 10/7/11 2:55 AM, "Hanne Holm Hage-Ali" <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

At Opbygningsgården in Denmark we do not have any rules about throwing
residents out if they have a sexual relationship during their time here.
When we started the Therapeutic Community model here in 1991 we also had
a rule that having a sexual relationship between two residents could be
grounds for being thrown out.  But we have got rid of that rule.  Not
because we think that two residents having a sexual relationship whilst
in treatment here is a good idea, but because we feel that it is better
to work with the problem (if it is a problem) and talk openly about it,
instead of throwing people out, and that it in the past often resulted in
residents keeping their sexual relationships secret.
In practice we deal with the problems/issues that arise in men's group
and women's group, in individual therapy sessions, and we sometimes bring
the issue up in our encounter groups.
We talk to the residents about contraception and sexually-transmitted
diseases in the men's and women's groups.  We talk about sexual
relationships, sexual abuse and dependency, and the residents share their
own experiences and confront each other regarding their bad behaviour.
The issue is also raised in our encounter groups in the same way as other
types of negative alliance between residents.  We will always consider it
to be a bad thing when someone withdraws from the community and builds a
negative alliance.
The issue is also dealt with in individual therapy sessions, eg that a
resident might have had  sexual behaviour with no boundaries or might
have been subjected to sexual abuse which has resulted in a specific type
of behaviour now.
In hindsight we are very pleased that we have changed this rule.  The
residents learn a lot about sexuality and relationships.  We also find
that fewer residents start a sexual relationship with each other than
used to be the case, maybe because we talk about it more with them these
days.
We also have residents who are in a steady relationship before they come
to us, and who come to us as a couple and both receive treatment here. We
spend a lot of time during the pre-treatment phase talking about the
importance of them each having an individual treatment process and taking
part in the programme as individuals, on the same footing as the other
residents in the community.
It is my experience that it is a very difficult process changing rules
and practice in the Therapeutic Community.  You need to have very good
arguments and you have to fight for a long time to change things.  Have
any of you had the same experience?


Med venlig hilsen

Hanne Holm Hage-Ali
Daglig leder
Opbygningsgården
Årbækvej 10, Skyum, 7752 Snedsted
Tel:  97 93 69 55
Mobil: 20 62 09 75
Fax: 97 93 69 95
www.opbygningsgaarden.dk
mail: [log in to unmask]