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Sharon, I tend to agree with Max. It doesn't have to be anything outstanding - in fact, better if it isn't - but something plain like 'becoming alive' or 'coming to life' .... and do you need 'it's' in the last line? Nice twist in the rhythm with 'something else/almost in your grasp' Again I feel guilty being critical, even if it is constructive, when I haven't even written a snap! I'll post when soon just to appease my guilt. Andrew On 9 June 2011 12:31, Max Richards <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > A little classic, in its way, Sharon. > And yet, returning to it, I find myself wondering about the phrase > > trying to live > > which maybe can be improved on, not at all sure how, or expanded a teeny > bit. But of course it's vital not to burden the curve, the rhythm, the play > with reaching and reach... > > Max > > > On 9/06/11 10:02 AM, "sharon brogan" <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > > > it's spring here > > everything is trying to live > > > > reaching up for light > > reaching down for water > > > > you reach for something else > > it's almost in your grasp > > > > > > > > -- > -- Andrew http://hispirits.blogspot.com/ 'Mother Waits for Father Late' republished available at http://www.picaropress.com/ http://www.qlrs.com/poem.asp?id=766 http://frankshome.org/AndrewBurke.html