Here comes the dawn. I'll go out walking later. I was just sitting at my fish pond, feeling, slowly sipping a cup of hot, freshly brewed coffee, silently listening to the music of the waterfalls. You know, there's something empowering and inspiring about the silence of the dawn. that can cause us to ponder meaning and purpose. For me, it's the stillness that really speaks to the inner-most me, that causes me to ponder meaning and purpose, when I feel a depth beyond my title, position, and resume. It's a feeling, non-thinking time for practicing getting in touch, noticing, listening, being alert, paying attention, and being aware. Think about it, it's a new world coming to light; there's new life being born this moment. Today is like a bud in my rose garden about to burst open and sweeten the air. It's a process of renewal that should be lovingly embraced and used to open doors to new opportunities. Again, I will say over and over and over, it is the ultimate sin not to open, embrace, and enrich with meaning and purpose the present that is presented by the present.
This morning I was "feeling" a journal entry from a student in the creative arts said I was mistaken. I had talked to her several times in attempts to help her pull herself out from her doldrums and overcome her apparent semester-long apathy. After our last conversation, this is what she wrote in a rare journal entry: "You said that I'm disrespecting myself by not giving it everything I have, by not caring about this class or my community or myself. It's not that. It's just hard for me to come up with ideas at times because History has never been my best subject and I am not all that creative and I was more worried about whether or not we'd do the project wrong or what we did would be good enough where you would like it or whether or not we would have to do it again because we didn't follow a rule here or there. I don't have an I don't care attitude and never did...it's just that when I feel like I don't know what I'm doing because things like History aren't my forte, sometimes it seems that way I guess. I can't help it. I just go silent and slide quietly into my corner to hide in the shadows. It always has just seemed easier and safer to do it this way. But, now that you've seen me, you've got me thinking. I guess it's not whether it's easier or safer; I 'm really just afraid to go anywhere new and make any mistakes and get yelled at as I always have and get put down as I always have and spoil my grade. I know you won't do that. You don't. You care about me. You see me. Otherwise, you wouldn't have talked to me. Yo wouldn't have listened. I know all that. But, I can't stop thinking and feeling this way and that is messing with my grade anyway. I guess I'll just have to settle with that. You won't make that easy for me to do, will you. Damn you for talking to me and giving a damn like no one else has. Damn you. Damn you. Damn you for wanting to get me to pull myself out from my corner. Now, you've made it harder to blame you like I always did my others teachers....."
That is what's called summing up everything I've been saying lately: a resurrection of accumulated slurs and slights that have created the learned fear and helplessness of what my dear friend, Todd Zakrajsek, would say is the proverbial "dog in the corner" syndrome that allows this student in the creative arts to make and accept the excuse that she's not creative. And, by no stretch of the imagination is she alone. So, here I am, at the keyboard, feeling. If I have learned one thing from reading this and untold number of student journals, it is this: if I want a student to have a shot at learning, really learn rather than merely temporarily holding on to a few noght-before crammed facts for passing a test and/or acquiring a less than meaningful grade, if I want a student to have a shot at deep and lasting learning, if I want a student to develop wholly, if I want a student to become a good person as well as a good student, if I want a student to plant Dweck's "growth mind-set" and develop Seligman's "resilience" and get into Csíkszentmihályi's "flow" and offer Amabile's self "positive praise," if I want to be an inviting and embracing nurturer rather than a distant and cold weeder, I constantly have to search for answers to one question, "Do I really want to take the demanding time and effort to understand and deal with what is causing a student to look for obstacles rather than the magic, to offer big excuses rather than take a small step, to put energy into avoiding effort rather than putting energy into the effort, and to "settle with that" rather than "going for it." You see, it's not enough to have possibilities at your fingertips, you have to work at them and breathe life into them--if you want them to happen. No, if you want miracles to fall into your lap, you just may have to get up and change your seat.
Make it a good day
-Louis-
Louis Schmier http://www.therandomthoughts.edublogs.org
Department of History http://www.therandomthoughts.com
Valdosta State University
Valdosta, Georgia 31698 /\ /\ /\ /\ /\
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