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Thanks, Doug. The final touch of the revision process in fact happened right between "end" and "hope" in the last line, with the elimination of both a period and a capital. The syntax may be a bit elongated, but I prefer that to language units with the potential of cliche. It took 25 days for me to decide on one of three versions already conceived of during the initial draft from my writing in the dark. Barry On Thu, 9 Apr 2009 09:17:08 -0600, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]> wrote: >Love the 'falling off' of those final lines, Barry. A good catch. > >Doug >On 8-Apr-09, at 12:23 PM, Barry Alpert wrote: > >> OF TIME & the CITY >> >> via Terence Davies >> >> “We had hoped for Paradise. >> We got the Anus Mundi.” >> >> >> Obligation despite my dogged piety. No revelation came. >> Football like life was >> >> too rich or too poor for my rapacious appetite. >> I said goodbye to >> my whole world--home, school, movies, God. >> Earth does not revolve. >> >> Chilblains with Christmas in the air. >> In all those movies it was always perfect. >> Time renders to seek >> youth that cannot end hope that . . . >> >> >> Barry Alpert / Silver Spring MD US / 4-8-09 (1:56 PM) > >Douglas Barbour >[log in to unmask] > >http://www.ualberta.ca/~dbarbour/ > >Latest books: >Continuations (with Sheila E Murphy) >http://www.uap.ualberta.ca/UAP.asp?LID=41&bookID=664 >Wednesdays' >http://abovegroundpress.blogspot.com/2008/03/new-from-aboveground-press_10.html > >The covers of this book are too far apart. > > Ambrose Bierce