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Janet thank you. I can see what you're talking about; that first part about slinking I can relate to better than to the messenger deal. what's a little stingy for me is that I realise & feel that it WAS me who wrote the poem, and that this reaction is genuine and is due to an ability I have. maybe it's the admitting that I'm good, to myself or rather admitting it to others. I suppose that even though I always speak out against the whole "writing for yourself" spiel, there's more of that in me than I've cared to acknowledge; *I'm* already happy with the poem, I don't need anything else for myself. so why did I enter the competition at all? because I wanted to; but now I have unplaced feelings of doubt after winning. dunno. it'll pass I'm fairly certain. I preferred getting published in a magazine, that way you don't have to look people in the eye and hear their compliments. also most of the people congratulating me don't know much at all about poetry; makes me feel a bit of a fraud maybe, like the judgement is worthless. these are weary thoughts. it's almost four in the morning. I just told my girlfriend on the phone earlier that I hope there is no ceremony, haha. she figured there probably won't be, and she's probably right. I'll probably hear about it tomorrow from the organisers &/or judge(s) (there were many). of course it would also be nice in its own way. and I bet standing in front of people at a shindig like that would feel better than back-pats -- those sound slightly hollow to me no matter who says them, and in spite of myself. not coming from all of you though; you don't dish out compliments as easily, I would think. I'm grateful. and the poem will be published on the dept's webpage at least, don't know about anything else. will let you know. KS 2008/12/19 Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]> > well done Kasper! > I particularly enjoyed the image 'the black suede box of the water'. > > Odd that you weren't told sooner. > > That little feeling of confusion and disquiet... I can relate to that. > > When I perform my poems and people praise me... it's really nice, but > there's a part of me that doesn't want to be praised, publicised... that > wants to slink into the corner and watch the room, write something else, > have another beer. Or wander off into the night. The best thing for me is > when *one* person tells me their personal response to my poetry and/or > performance. > > Hmmm... there's something else there... I feel it isn't my poem, it isn't > *me* any more, once it's written. It's almost like I didn't do it and don't > deserve the praise. Like I'm just the messenger, the facilitator. Like when > as a parent you get praised for your child's accomplishments. > > Maybe that makes sense to you, maybe not. I don't know. > > Nevertheless... enjoy the good stuff! Nobody else writes quite like you, I > think. > > Hmm maybe there will be a ceremony and you will have to read your poem and > give a speech. <g> Hope you win some money. More likely publication in a > university magazine I guess. > > Janet > > 2008/12/19 kasper salonen <[log in to unmask]> > > > Helsinki university's english dept held a poetry competition last month, > > and > > I entered.. and it looks like I won it. > > I heard it off the cuff from someone who thought I already knew, made me > > wobbly for a second. I'm still pretty wobbly actually. I've never entered > > let alone won a poetry contest before. > > there will be information about it on the university webpage, but knowing > > their techs it won't be for a while. here's a link the the poem that did > > it. > > > > http://docs.google.com/Doc?id=dfr8jjpv_81cq4kcjgv&hl=en > > > > people have been congratulating me on facebook all damn day, it makes me > > feel.. I suppose grateful & flattered, but really it's just a little > > feeling > > of confusion or disquiet. for no reason I can really pinpoint. is there > > some > > condition known as post-victory depression? haha. I'm chuffed, anyway. > > > > KS > > > > > > -- > I'm looking for writing-related paid work! Performance (my poetry, yours or > someone else's); any kind of writing including technical or corporate; > ghostwriting; editing; teaching creative writing, poetry or performance; > selling books; literary administration... whatever. All leads appreciated. > > Janet Jackson <[log in to unmask]> > www.proximitypoetry.com (Poetry) > www.myspace.com/poetjj (Includes occasional arts & culture blog) > > The Line Mine, bulletin board for Perth poetry & spoken word: > [log in to unmask] > groups.yahoo.com/group/thelinemine > > Breastfeeding info & help: www.breastfeeding.asn.au >