 |
 |
I will have time to re-read as soon as I get round to printing it out, Judy, and +looking+ at it, in the way that one does when one holds a text in the hand, rather that staring at it on a screen. I'm quite grateful for your suggestion, me ducks, and will take it on board, meantime, not all the dotty d's are unpleasant, some are quite positive, but at the same time we have to have a meeting of the LPS com come Friday where I have to raise the question of why it seems that we are going to subsidise a well-known professional poet plus an arts centre to the tune of 1800 quid next for a two hour event while we'll even have to pay a tenner each to get in! For a reading we are paying for! Something has gorn wrong. Meantime too we had a memorial event for Brian, remember him, the little guy who chaired that reading last year, that has brought joy to his survivors. So some things good, some things not so. xxx Dave 2008/12/10 Judy Prince <[log in to unmask]>: > Ah, I see. Thanks. > The poem's splendid, Dave; I only had a minor suggestion. All else was my > happy rushing [possibly unintelligible] review. > Sorry about the dotty d's; I've had a few, too, but your poem lifted them > well with its radiance. Hope you'll have time to re-read it! > > Best, > > Judy > > > 2008/12/9 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]> > >> I was just trying to emphasise that I was open to suggestions for >> emendations, Judy, as I writ it fast, that's all, I haven't even >> re-read it since I posted it, y'know, too many dotty distractions >> going on. >> >> Best >> >> Dave >> >> 2008/12/9 Judy Prince <[log in to unmask]>: >> > As some say over here, Dave: "No---thank *you!" ;-) >> > The time it takes to write a spectacular poem-----doesn't matter. If we >> > thought it did, well once again the Muse would fool us, tangle us in our >> > urge to formula our art production, laughing at our serious measures and >> > rabbit's feet. >> > >> > That said, a lovely Christmas dinner with a dear friend does seem >> catalytic. >> > >> > Best, >> > >> > Judy >> > >> > >> > >> > 2008/12/8 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]> >> > >> >> Oh Judy, thank you. I'm sure there are changes I could make to the >> >> piece: I wrote it in as long as it took me to type it out as an e-mail >> >> message, maybe five minutes. I just wanted to have a bit of fun with >> >> language and whimsy. >> >> >> >> I've been having problems with poetry myself of late, but then it >> >> suddenly wakes again in one, at two o'clock in the morning after a >> >> doze following an early Christmas dinner with a friend in this case. >> >> >> >> Best >> >> >> >> Dave >> >> >> >> 2008/12/8 Judy Prince <[log in to unmask]>: >> >> > Dave, >> >> > A thing of beauty, poetry, poetry, oh I have missed reading poetry, >> but >> >> you >> >> > restart all my poetry synapses, thank God [or oneself if you're >> Patrick >> >> the >> >> > humanist]. >> >> > 'blotched fur'---yes! >> >> > >> >> > alliteration in alliteration: 'options of prods, probes' and a >> necessary >> >> > not-allit 'questions' >> >> > >> >> > sight and sound allit in allit: 'eyes, ears and silence' intro'ed and >> >> > concluded w played-'o's: 'droop' and 'told' >> >> > >> >> > 'furry' nights; 'blankets of together' >> >> > >> >> > more allits in allits: 'trudges' ... 'mud'; 'back-scratching, bad >> >> breath' >> >> > end-stopped with a pause and drumbeat: 'prose' [jazz syncopation] >> >> > >> >> > more allits in allits: 'dream' ... 'screaming' ['pot-plants']... >> >> > 'creatures' ... 'remain wrapped' >> >> > >> >> > sweet shock of 'back-scratching, bad breath, prose'!!!!!! [again, >> jazz >> >> > syncopation on the end drumbeat: BA ba ba, BA ba---BA! [I'll spare >> you >> >> > notation in Judy's Metric System, tho really you must become an adept] >> >> > >> >> > Suggested change: Do you think this would fit; it seemed to work for >> me >> >> > when I tried it: In 1st stanza, add 'us' at the end of the 3rd line; >> >> then >> >> > delete 'that' at beginning of the next line. There's a subtle diff in >> >> > meaning with that change; not sure if the change'll destroy that >> meaning. >> >> > >> >> > Thanks for the hug of childhood and the laugh of grownhood! >> >> > >> >> > Judy >> >> > >> >> > >> >> > 2008/12/7 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]> >> >> > >> >> >> There was sadness in the creatures, and blotched fur. >> >> >> We considered the options of prods, probes, questions >> >> >> but the droop of their eyes, ears and silence told >> >> >> that we were the cause of their sorrow. How furry >> >> >> >> >> >> our nights had once been, what warm blankets >> >> >> of together had once covered us, what intimacies >> >> >> of teddy-bears and dolls had the world held >> >> >> before the talk ceased to be imaginary >> >> >> >> >> >> and turned into financial reports, peer reviews, >> >> >> collusions of hadrons, long trudges in the mud >> >> >> of gossip, back-scratching, bad breath, prose. >> >> >> >> >> >> Once I woke from a dream of pot-plants screaming >> >> >> as they died at their owners' hands: yet the creatures >> >> >> remain, wrapped in their sadness, like shrouds. >> >> >> >> >> >> -- >> >> >> David Bircumshaw >> >> >> Website and A Chide's Alphabet >> >> >> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/ >> >> >> The Animal Subsides >> http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html >> >> >> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk >> >> >> >> >> > >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> -- >> >> David Bircumshaw >> >> Website and A Chide's Alphabet >> >> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/ >> >> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html >> >> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk >> >> >> > >> >> >> >> -- >> David Bircumshaw >> Website and A Chide's Alphabet >> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/ >> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html >> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk >> > -- David Bircumshaw Website and A Chide's Alphabet http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/ The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk