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As some say over here, Dave: "No---thank *you!" ;-) The time it takes to write a spectacular poem-----doesn't matter. If we thought it did, well once again the Muse would fool us, tangle us in our urge to formula our art production, laughing at our serious measures and rabbit's feet. That said, a lovely Christmas dinner with a dear friend does seem catalytic. Best, Judy 2008/12/8 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]> > Oh Judy, thank you. I'm sure there are changes I could make to the > piece: I wrote it in as long as it took me to type it out as an e-mail > message, maybe five minutes. I just wanted to have a bit of fun with > language and whimsy. > > I've been having problems with poetry myself of late, but then it > suddenly wakes again in one, at two o'clock in the morning after a > doze following an early Christmas dinner with a friend in this case. > > Best > > Dave > > 2008/12/8 Judy Prince <[log in to unmask]>: > > Dave, > > A thing of beauty, poetry, poetry, oh I have missed reading poetry, but > you > > restart all my poetry synapses, thank God [or oneself if you're Patrick > the > > humanist]. > > 'blotched fur'---yes! > > > > alliteration in alliteration: 'options of prods, probes' and a necessary > > not-allit 'questions' > > > > sight and sound allit in allit: 'eyes, ears and silence' intro'ed and > > concluded w played-'o's: 'droop' and 'told' > > > > 'furry' nights; 'blankets of together' > > > > more allits in allits: 'trudges' ... 'mud'; 'back-scratching, bad > breath' > > end-stopped with a pause and drumbeat: 'prose' [jazz syncopation] > > > > more allits in allits: 'dream' ... 'screaming' ['pot-plants']... > > 'creatures' ... 'remain wrapped' > > > > sweet shock of 'back-scratching, bad breath, prose'!!!!!! [again, jazz > > syncopation on the end drumbeat: BA ba ba, BA ba---BA! [I'll spare you > > notation in Judy's Metric System, tho really you must become an adept] > > > > Suggested change: Do you think this would fit; it seemed to work for me > > when I tried it: In 1st stanza, add 'us' at the end of the 3rd line; > then > > delete 'that' at beginning of the next line. There's a subtle diff in > > meaning with that change; not sure if the change'll destroy that meaning. > > > > Thanks for the hug of childhood and the laugh of grownhood! > > > > Judy > > > > > > 2008/12/7 David Bircumshaw <[log in to unmask]> > > > >> There was sadness in the creatures, and blotched fur. > >> We considered the options of prods, probes, questions > >> but the droop of their eyes, ears and silence told > >> that we were the cause of their sorrow. How furry > >> > >> our nights had once been, what warm blankets > >> of together had once covered us, what intimacies > >> of teddy-bears and dolls had the world held > >> before the talk ceased to be imaginary > >> > >> and turned into financial reports, peer reviews, > >> collusions of hadrons, long trudges in the mud > >> of gossip, back-scratching, bad breath, prose. > >> > >> Once I woke from a dream of pot-plants screaming > >> as they died at their owners' hands: yet the creatures > >> remain, wrapped in their sadness, like shrouds. > >> > >> -- > >> David Bircumshaw > >> Website and A Chide's Alphabet > >> http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/ > >> The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html > >> Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk > >> > > > > > > -- > David Bircumshaw > Website and A Chide's Alphabet > http://homepage.ntlworld.com/david.bircumshaw/ > The Animal Subsides http://www.arrowheadpress.co.uk/books/animal.html > Leicester Poetry Society: http://www.poetryleicester.co.uk >