 |
 |
bodger people pursed rewanting other poems, snap them I day, tonight On 09/04/2007, at 16:48, Patrick Mc Manus wrote: > Roger These people who are cursed with wanting to rewrite other > peoples > snaps!!!!!! Ban them that's what I say :-) > Patrick de raynes park > > -----Original Message----- > From: Poetryetc: poetry and poetics > [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On > Behalf Of Roger Day > Sent: 08 April 2007 17:37 > To: [log in to unmask] > Subject: Re: snapshot -- revision > > how about this? > > Stepping into the morning > waxwing symphonies and crow concertos > air shivering, air trembling > sandman cacophony crowding out the daylight > ... why do we enter the future > with the past in our deep night pockets > > although you may not want to go that far ... > > On 4/6/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote: >> thank you all for your critiques on this piece. here is a >> revision, which > i >> think is an improvement. i agree with andrew that it would be good >> to take >> the "I" from the first line, but can't see a way just yet: >> >> >> I stepped from my house this morning, >> head crowded with voices from dreams, >> into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies >> of waxwings and robins, a percussion >> of crows ... Why do we enter the future >> with the past in our night pockets? Trees >> shook with squirrel passions; goldfish >> drifted from the pond's dark bottom >> into pale water. At dusk the mountains >> were scarved with mist. >> >> >> >> On 4/4/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote: >>> >>> I stepped from my house this morning, >>> head crowded with voices from dreams, >>> into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies >>> of waxwings and robins, a percussion >>> of crows ... Why do we enter the future >>> with the past in our night pockets? Trees >>> shook with squirrel passions; goldfish >>> drifted from the pond's dark bottom >>> up into pale water, reacquainting themselves >>> with the surface. The day passed slowly. >>> At dusk the mountains were scarved with mist. >>> >>> <http://www.sbpoet.com> >> >> >> >> >> -- >> ~ SB =^..^= >> >> http://www.sbpoet.com >> > > > -- > My Stuff: http://www.badstep.net/ > "Patriotism is a virtue of the vicious." Oscar Wilde