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Stepping from my house this morning ... ? Could this go? On 4/6/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > > thank you all for your critiques on this piece. here is a revision, which > i > think is an improvement. i agree with andrew that it would be good to take > the "I" from the first line, but can't see a way just yet: > > > I stepped from my house this morning, > head crowded with voices from dreams, > into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies > of waxwings and robins, a percussion > of crows ... Why do we enter the future > with the past in our night pockets? Trees > shook with squirrel passions; goldfish > drifted from the pond's dark bottom > into pale water. At dusk the mountains > were scarved with mist. > > > > On 4/4/07, sharon brogan <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > > > > I stepped from my house this morning, > > head crowded with voices from dreams, > > into shivering air, trembling air, symphonies > > of waxwings and robins, a percussion > > of crows ... Why do we enter the future > > with the past in our night pockets? Trees > > shook with squirrel passions; goldfish > > drifted from the pond's dark bottom > > up into pale water, reacquainting themselves > > with the surface. The day passed slowly. > > At dusk the mountains were scarved with mist. > > > > <http://www.sbpoet.com> > > > > > -- > ~ SB =^..^= > > http://www.sbpoet.com >