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the first two stanzas are good. the tempo is established quickly & well; the sentimental tone is foreshadowed; and the first question is absolute dynamite, so much so in fact that the last one especially is bland & cliché by comparison. with just three lines of space for the illustration there, I think sticking to the fantastical/outrageous would be better. "irregular and quite perfect" is really bad. calling something perfect is the same as putting a price tag on it in indicipherable symbols, in poetry anyway (in my opinion anyway); perfection can never be justified or described, so in a poem it's ALWAYS weak [with the inevitable rare exceptions that universal rules have (as a rule)]. it's also a stupidly simplified thing to say. the metaphor of 'catching' a thought/question like a butterfly is, also, bad: overused & ineffective. the title is unsuccessful as well. the sentimentality mentioned goes overboard & the poem drowns in syrup & phlegm. in my opinion :) KS On 15/03/07, Tina Bass <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > Thanks very much Caleb. > > I have removed the troublesome line (finally getting the hint) and I'm > satisfied with it for now. > A little, light thing that is quite pleasing, I think. > > Tina > > > > FLUTTERBY > > > Late at night, questions fly > unfettered > each given equal weight. > > Do aliens have carpets? > Will I ever die? > Where does the sun go at night? > > If I could cup my hands around one > as it flutters past, I would press it > place it on a shelf for all to see > how it moves in surprising ways > irregular and quite perfect. >