Excuse me…..think you sent that to the wrong person mate!!!

 

Ah well – no offence taken as I am from Yorkshire afterall J

 

-----Original Message-----
From: [log in to unmask] [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On Behalf Of Robert Dunn
Sent: 09 February 2007 12:33
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: [OCC-HEALTH] Don't read this email if you are from Essex, or are liable to be easily offended !!

 

It’s Friday, it’s cold and snowing again (at least it is here in Oxford), and the list seems to have lost the FF’s (Friday funnies) since we turned into 2007.

 

So here is something to hopefully (as Frankie Howard would have said) ’raise a titter’!

 

Apologies to anyone from Essex…………………but I’m sending it on unaltered, just as I received it.

 

 

ESSEX HURRICANE APPEAL

After the snow, a major hurricane (Hurricane Shazza) and earthquake measuring 5.8 on the
Richter Scale hit Essex in the early hours of Friday with its epicentre in
Basildon.

 

Victims were seen wandering around aimlessly, muttering "Faaackinell".

The hurricane decimated the area causing approximately £30 worth of damage.
Several priceless collections of mementos from Majorca and the Costa Del Sol
were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historic burnt out cars were
disturbed. Many locals were woken well before their giros arrived. Essex FM
reported that hundreds of residents were confused and bewildered and were
still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had
happened in Basildon. However, looting, muggings and car crime were
unaffected and carried on as normal.

One resident - Tracy Sharon Smith, a 15-year-old mother of 5 said,
"It was such a shock. My little Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my
bedroom crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Victoria-Storm slept
through it all. I was still shaking when I was skinning up and watching
Trisha the next morning."

The British Red Cross has so far managed to ship 4,000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken locals. Rescue workers are still
searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of
personal belongings, including benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke
at Argos and Bone China from Poundland.

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to raise money for food and clothing parcels for those
unfortunate enough to be caught up in this disaster. Clothing is most sought
after - items most needed include:

Fila or Burberry baseball caps
Kappa tracksuit tops (his and hers)
Shell suits (female)
White sport socks
Rockport boots
Any other items usually sold in Primark.
Food parcels may be harder to come by, but are needed all the same. Required
foodstuffs include:

Microwave meals,
Tins of baked beans,
Ice cream,
Cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew.

22p buys a biro for filling in the compensation forms; £2 buys chips, crisps
and blue fizzy drinks for a family of 9; £5 buys a packet of B&H and a
lighter to calm the nerves of those affected.

**Breaking news**

Rescue workers found a girl in the rubble smothered in raspberry alco-pop.

"Where are you bleeding from?' they asked.

" ROMFORD" said the girl. "Woss that gotta do wiv you?

Please don't forward this to anyone living in Essex - oh, sod it, they won't
be able to read it, anyway.  

 

 

 

 

Enjoy,  Bob