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Deborah - I hope my tone before wasn't uppity - if so, I apologise. I was just chatting (as I do). I could blame the famous 'lack of tactful tone' of email, but really I should not have written in haste, so I hope I didn't cause offence. Andrew ----- Original Message ----- From: "deborah russell" <[log in to unmask]> To: <[log in to unmask]> Sent: Friday, February 24, 2006 1:07 AM Subject: Re: snap haiku 22 II 06 - kigo > Andrew, being with WHC since 2000, I realize the difference in > seasons/weather - from other members - the term "first of the year", to me, > implied new year - first snow ... maybe arranging > the wording might help to clarify the meaning or image? > > Sorry, Douglas - I didn't catch it the first time around. > > > > > >Wwell, February means heat and never ever snow to us here (I've in fact > >never seen snow) - and 'first of the year' wasn't actually New Year Day he > >was speaking of. > > > >Andrew > > > >----- Original Message ----- > >From: "deborah russell" <[log in to unmask]> > > > > Unless "February snow" is counted as one - I think the poem has three > >kigo: > > > > > > 1)February > > > 2)snow > > > 3)first of the year > > > > >Doug - the norm in modern haiku in English is not to be enslaved to > >5/7/5 > > > >syllables, as Japanese onji are so short (as the syllables in > >'po-ta-to'). > > > >We try for maybe 3/5/3, but really aim at more the essence of haiku > >than > > > >its > > > >outer garments. > > > > > > > >So, with that said, I'd flick 'really the' in line 2. It gives the > >haiku > >a > > > >more expressive pace to go with 'flares', IMHO. > > > > > > > >Not meaning to teach my grandmother how to suck eggs, Doug - > > > > > > > >Regards - > > > > > > > >Andrew > > > > > > > >----- Original Message ----- > > > >From: "Douglas Barbour" <[log in to unmask]> > > > >To: <[log in to unmask]> > > > >Sent: Thursday, February 23, 2006 6:32 AM > > > >Subject: Re: snap haiku 22 II 06 > > > > > > > > > > > > > February's snow > > > > > really the first of the year > > > > > flares across the lawn > > > > > > > > > > Wednesday February 22 2006 > > > > > > > > > > Douglas Barbour > > > > > 11655 - 72 Avenue NW > > > > > Edmonton Ab T6G 0B9 > > > > > (780) 436 3320 > > > > > > > > > > The stars wheel over > > > > > The Cross drops its image > > > > > Into the watertank. > > > > > > > > > > David Campbell