 |
 |
youre welcome, if it was useful youve taken it in a different direction now, and that's fine - I'm uncomfortable with giving advice really, which is why I didnt comment on the rhythmic point Frederick identified - there was a problem there, he was right, but I couldnt see how to deal with it without making it partly my poem! I still think _should_ was _could_; and that, on its own terms, that draft of the poem needed no grammatical correction anyway, all best, back in my teapot L ----- Original Message ----- From: "Anny Ballardini" <[log in to unmask]> To: <[log in to unmask]> Sent: 20 January 2003 11:46 Subject: Re: Some obiter dicta, by the way | thank you Lawrence, this is a real treatise, flattered, indeed, anny | | <[log in to unmask]> | | | > Anny, you have been given bad advice in my opinion | > | > | > and i want to see the sun | > | > every morning through my windows | > | > and the smell of the breeze moving each crispy petal | > | > of the flowers i've planted around the pond | > | > | > | > and follow the slow movement of the moon | > | > in its long trip through the stars | > | > let it slide in the dark in all its forms | > | > and listen to the jumping water of creeks | > | > | > | > | > | and the verb in the first line of that stanza should be in the | > | infinitive, "to follow." Otherwise, a charming poem. | > | > *Should? Oh dear. | > | > It *is in the infinitive, without its "to", the "to" understood from the | > "to" of "to see", as well as having a degree of the imperative, see below, | > and quite a bit that's indefinable | > | > as *I read it, and I shan't say anyone "should", the person in the poem is | > getting taken up by the uttered experience - so that he / she doesn't say | > "to smell" but rather the exclamatory "and the smell" - and *that _the_ | can | > be taken partly as demonstrative which brings in the implied presence of | > another; so that "and follow" becomes both a colloquial slurring of "to | > follow" and an imperative to that other, whomaybe the i of the poem | > objectified by that i | > | > I think "and follow" is fine | > | > L |