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Here, courtesy of its author Ferlinghetti, is a bauble for you all to turn in the sun.... David > From: Lawrence Ferlinghetti > Organization: City Lights Books > Date: Wed, 06 Mar 2002 17:00:13 -0800 > To: > Subject: [Fwd: FW: French deployment] > > > For Immediate Release: February 2002 > > French Intellectuals to be Deployed in Afghanistan > to Convince Taliban of > Non-Existence of God > > The clean-up portion of the ground war in > Afghanistan heated up yesterday > when the Allies revealed plans to airdrop a platoon > of crack French > existentialist philosophers into the country to > destroy the morale of the > remaining Taliban zealots by proving the > non-existence of God. > > Elements from the feared Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade, > or 'Black Berets', will > be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, > despondency and > existential anomie among the enemy. Hardened by > numerous intellectual > battles fought during their long occupation of > Paris's Left Bank, their > first action will be to establish a number of > sidewalk cafes at strategic > points near the front lines. > > There they will drink coffee and talk animatedly > about the absurd nature of > life and man's lonely isolation in the universe. > They will be accompanied by > a number of heartbreakingly beautiful girlfriends > who will further spread > dismay by sticking their tongues in the > philosophers' ears every five > minutes and looking remote and unattainable to > everyone else. > > Their leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Belmondo, spoke > yesterday of his confidence > in the success of their mission. Sorbonne graduate > Belmondo, a very intense > and unshaven young man in a black pullover, > gesticulated wildly and said, > "The Taliban are caught in a logical fallacy of the > most ridiculous. There > is no God and I can prove it. Take your tongue out > of my ear, Juliet, I am > talking." > > Marc-Ange plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on > man's nauseating freedom > of action with special reference to the work of > Foucault and the films of > Alfred Hitchcock. > > However, humanitarian agencies have been quick to > condemn the operation as > inhumane, pointing out that the effects of passive > smoking from the > Frenchmen's endless Gitanes could wreak a terrible > toll on civilians in the > area.