I have given many pills to cats rectally. No one who is thinking hard would
really consider giving a cat a pill orally. Any medicine thought necessary
to put in a cat's mouth can just as easily go in the other end. The anus of
a cat is generally the perfect size for a pill. What's more, anything that
goes in that way is very difficult to take out. Not even the cat can get
something out of there once it's been put in. Here is a map you might need
to locate your cat's anus:
I I I I
-I- /_
-I- /
---- -- - _
/ \
I * I
I I I I
I I I I
I I I I
I I I I
> > How To Give A Cat A Pill
> >
> >
> > 1. Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a
> > baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth
>and
> > gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat
>opens
> > mouth, pop pill into mouth. Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
> >
> > 2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left
>arm
> > and repeat process.
> >
> > 3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
> >
> > 4. Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws
> > tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth
>with
> > right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of 10.
> >
> > 5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call
>spouse
> > from garden.
> >
> > 6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, holding front and
>rear
> > paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold cat's head
>firmly
> > with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler
>and
> > rub cat's throat vigorously.
> >
> > 7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make
>note
> > to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines
>from
> > hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
> >
> > 8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with its head just
> > visible from below spouse's armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw,
>force
> > cat's mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.
> >
> > 9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of
>water to
> > take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from
> > carpet with cold water and soap.
> >
> > 10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in
>cupboard
> > and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with
>dessert
> > spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
> >
> > 11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put door back on hinges. Apply cold
> > compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Throw
> > T-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
> >
> > 12. Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologize
>to
> > neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last
>pill
> > from foil wrap.
> >
> > 13. Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly
>to leg
> > of dining table. Find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Force cat's
>mouth
> > open with small spanner. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of
>fillet
> > steak. Hold head vertically and pour a pint of water down throat to wash
>pill
> > down.
> >
> > 14. Get spouse to drive you to emergency room; sit quietly while doctor
> > stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye.
>Stop by
> > furniture shop on way home to order new table.
> >
> > 15. Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and call local pet shop to see if they
>have
> > any hamsters.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > Douglas Clark, Bath, England mailto: [log in to unmask]
> > Lynx: Poetry from Bath ..........
>http://www.bath.ac.uk/~exxdgdc/lynx.html
> >
Gabriel Gudding
Assistant Professor
Department of English
Illinois State University
Normal, IL 61790
office 309.438.5284
home 309.828.8377
http://www.pitt.edu/~press/2002/gudding.html
