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On 24 Jul 01, at 7:37, Shirley Crabtree wrote: > I wonder, in vain hope, if anyone can help me. My computer seems to be infested with two particularly nasty viruses thus: > > 1) paultreanor.exe - this one fills my machine with strange leaps of logic, conspiracy theories that seem barely plausible (i doubt even carol vorderman, let alone arthur c. clark, would manage to sustain a couple of minutes debating the possibilities)and borderline madness. > > 2)critgeogcrap.exe - an endless stream of bizarre, vaguely geographical, stories with VERY STRONG MORALS... this has been happening for some time now. make it stop! Yes there is a remedy for this - drastic, yet relatively simply and pain-free, you won't feel anything during this, and certainly not afterwards. 1) Erase your entire hard disk of your computer. Then throw out all your geography, sociology, lefty-economics, ditto politics books. make a huge bonfire. (Re CO2 emissions - dont worry, this sort of thing wont bother you soon.) 2) now erase your brain's hard disk. This is a litle harder. the easiest way to acheive this is via psychotropic drugs, purchasable at any good inner city area after dark. Beware of overdoses, you may also erase your brain's basic operating system, which can be slightly fatal. 3) You will now be a bit hungry, Go to the nearest Macdonalds, and FEAST!!!!!! 4) Go to the nearest supermarket, buy lots of Nike, Adidas, Levis, and any other large globalised companies gear you can. the greater the third world labour content the better. 5) return via your local newsagent (if it has closed because of a supermarket, go there instead) and take out an order for The Daily mail, The Sun, The Daily telegraph, or similar paper. 6) Go home, watch lots of game shows reality TV, sport, advertising channels, the more the better. 7) After a couple of days of this you have thoroughly reprogrammed your brain and any other soft/hard/wet ware in your own operating environment. The above viruses will never bother you again. Ever. Hillary Shaw, P/G Geography, University of Leeds