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Well, now wait a minute, this is trickier syntactically than I thought because of the special English usage of "to tie (up)" (boats) vs. "to un/tie" (string--by which you mean rope, yes?). I love the delicacy of "string," though, and the tenuous delicacy it adds to the quasi-willow plate effect of the whole design. You could keep "string" for its figurative value, though, if you used the more idiomatic "unmoored" in place of "untied" (keeping the semi--in that case). Would that work? on 7/19/01 3:20 PM, ANASTASIOS KOZAITIS at [log in to unmask] wrote: > Thank you, Candice. > > I think "Sweetheart" might be too southern. If I were down in New Orleans, > I'd consider "Please Don't Call Me Ishmael, Baby"! The poem is homage not > only to HM but to Hart Crane and his sonnet at Melville's Tomb. (Hence, the > sound chamber effects.) > > Your point is well taken. Are you asking what is "it" modifying? Yes, the > string untied 5,000 years ago, and it just let the boat slip off into the > tides. It's been years since. I thank you very much for your comment, and > I will attempt to tweak the poem a bit right there. Thanks. > > --Ak > > At 03:07 PM 7/19/01, you wrote: >> Some wonderful images here, Anastasios (the "stone/Box temple," "midnight's >> stomach," "the bark tying jade dusk," etc.), but I'm even more taken with >> the sound effects you achieve and the way every word is pulling its >> weight--if only Melvi (oh never mind! economy wasn't his forte). >> >> The one place where I stumble is that semi-colon after string--I just don't >> understand the syntax there(?). >> >> Thanks for posting this--Candice >> >> P.S. If you wanted to go whole-hog-American with your title, you could call >> it "Please Don't Call Me Ishmael, Sweetheart"--? >> >> >>> Please Don't Call Me Ishmael >>> >>> Call me your cabin boy. Cavernous, >>> Unanchored aimless mausoleum--stone >>> Box temple, blood-and-pulse edifice >>> Where center crossword clues stand alone. >>> >>> Across by starboard, midnight's stomach veils >>> Celestial ways. Instruments calibrate >>> What may, a segue... Craps, the betting fails >>> The beast. Without a vig, the ship's weight >>> >>> Sinks a cemetery. Follow the fish >>> And stuff the captured carcass full to win >>> The booty. Pittance guts. The wakes forego >>> Geometry. Morning of the fetish >>> Returns the bark tying jade dusk back with thin >>> String; it untied five thousand years ago. >>> >>> >>> --Anastasios Kozaitis