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on 10/9/01 9:20 PM, Candice Ward at [log in to unmask] wrote: > It would work better for me without the first line or any use of the word > "pain"--still aptly describing a headache but resonating with many other, > unstated states (as it seems to want to do), especially if the referent of > "its/it's" remains mysterious--Candice > > P.S. Hang me for a sheep, but the formal quatrains don't seem right for this > poem either! Candice, interesting you say this. There was some small thing bothering me, that kept me from getting right into the poem and I think you may have nailed it. Perhaps 'the truest thing' could become part of a title. Also agree with you about the quatrains not being 'right'. I liked the original chunky version, it had a rush that had all that excess and overwhelmingness that is pain. Just a thought. Cheers, Jill _________________________________ Jill Jones 50 Ruby Street Marrickville NSW 2204 AUSTRALIA [log in to unmask] http://homepages.ihug.com.au/~jpjones