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If I can be allowed to say something, I find difficult to deal with poems using the pronoun "we" since it is never the case of it being a kind of dramatic schizophrenic poet's voice. It simply most often implies "me and you". I think that to speak in the name of a "couple" in lyric poems is unnecessary. Here, Helen, I would have used the "I" . (Also because we can never really be sure that the "I" belongs to the poet, as in dramatic monologues.) The choice of the pronouns "she/he/'they" (which can create a extraordinary cooling distancing of the subject other than the poet , as in Neruda, Petrarca, Dante, and as in the third person narration) is my favorite. Especially when referred in this case to the poet himself. I believe that when poets use the pronoun "we" they tend to be tamed and domesticated as to keep a form of respect for the other (who is given the role as a "Gregario", as in cycling competitions ) . I do not feel this pronoun add dramatic nuances to the perception. It is just a question of taste, I guess. Erminia ----- Original Message ----- From: Helen Hagemann <[log in to unmask]> To: <[log in to unmask]> Sent: Thursday, September 21, 2000 2:07 AM Subject: Poem for critiquing > I would like this poem critiqued if someone has the time (result of several > drafts). > HH > > > We ride in it > > our day begins > with bikes beneath our grip > while jetties stretch > from milk sand to copen sea > > and burrowing hills as light as air > our supple feet unfurl a nostril scent > of fishing nets and thawing prawns > inside each harbour ship > > and further in from muted bays > we watch a swallow's song on console wing > while blending smiles to film > a largesse of wheat and green > > we take to watching surf and walks in furry lanes > soak in the waves that age > an ashen stencil mark in grotto rock > > we buckle hats, just the four of us > then ride in it > as bodies do... > > Helen Hagemann > _________________________________________________________________________ > Get Your Private, Free E-mail from MSN Hotmail at http://www.hotmail.com. > > Share information about yourself, create your own public profile at > http://profiles.msn.com. > > %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%