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I have only been writing poetry for about 3 years and in the beginning i was writing almost constantly, it felt as if i was a bottle under constant pressure and all in one go i exploded. the feeling of release was incredible and very satisfying. however i began to notice that after a couple of months, the need to write was growing constantly, however the ability to write satisfyingly was dissapating. during this time the poems i was writing were not very "good" technically or even meaningfully. it was all a strange world to me, writing in this way and i began to see very differently. i have likened this experience to the difference in quality and vision between watching a movie and watching a musical. both modes are effective in communicating understanding and meaning, however the musical is a bizzare experience, bizzare because we seem to be able to (maybe after the initial slight readustment) view and recieve it quite naturally. i just watched titus the movie last night and it was the same type of experience, i would venture to say that watching a musical or a fantastic type of movie is almost more satisfying and more of a viable sensation than watching a movie that attempts to present strict reality so blatantly. it is almost hypocritical (isn't the greek word for actor hypocrit?). it is psuedo. while with a muscial or a shakespearane type of showing, a strange thing occurs, you do not quite feel duped and at least i became more willing to get involved and sympathize with the characters such as Titus. i suppose it is more dream-like. what i'm driving at is that this type of quality is what draws me to write poetry. it has an indeterminate quality, a certain justice as opposed to more elaborate and frankly pretencious philosophical works. i have been toying with different ways to write and been carefully looking at the type of subjects that have been evident in my work. I suppose that I have felt uncomfortable using narrative or using a type of story-like imagery, because i felt that this type of method was putting a distance between my vision and my hand and the poem. i feel that the poem should be as effortless a release as breathing and for that reason i have shyed away from organizing and planning out how my poems will develop. this has led increasingly toward a new freedom in my poems, one that focuses not on the words at all and not even so much on the sound but on how to get as close to my honesty as possible. i have concentrated on getting as close to my desire to write as possible in order to express expression itself and naturally i must use images or words, but i have found that with enough patience to wait that meaning itself will call out to me and that there is an effortless depth of subject and meaning and honesty from which to write from just inside the space of my desire to express. i suppose i realized that what i have been trying to do this whole time is bring me out or show me or express me, though not in the self-analytical nonsense of many poets such as plath. more later