Some light humour...
Best,
David.
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Date: Tue, 07 Dec 1999 12:08:07 -0500
From: Chuck0 <[log in to unmask]>
Subject: By request: Bill Clinton offers on-line shopping
tips
Sender: Chuck0 <[log in to unmask]>
To: November 30 International Day of Action
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Reply-To: November 30 International Day of Action
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November 30 International Day of Action - http://www.n30.org
THE REGISTER: Bill Clinton offers on-line shopping tips
http://www.theregister.co.uk/991201-000003.html
Posted 01/12/99 10:12am by Thomas C Greene in Washington
Bill Clinton offers on-line shopping tips
In a most appalling display of commercial evangelism, US President
Bill Clinton addressed his people last weekend with a Thanksgiving
message devoted entirely to extolling the sacred blessings of
consumerism and to sharing tips for indulging this national obsession
via the Web.
His opening blurb was startling, fairly associating the Thanksgiving
spirit with the business of making purchases: "On this holiday weekend,
when we count our many blessings, Americans are also busy buying gifts
for the next holidays, right around the corner," he said. We were hoping
he might possess the dignity to leave it there, or at least pretend to
have the dignity to leave it there, but we were disappointed.
"On Thanksgiving... my family and I gave thanks for the enormous
prosperity America is carrying forward into the 21st Century," the
Gigolo-in-Chief warbled.
We listened in hopeful expectation of some jaunty acknowledgment of
excess, some self-deprecating reference to getting carried away, but he
had only just hit his stride. The fatuities dribbled from his lips, and
no doubt with the taut-lipped android smile of some brainwashed
talk-show domestic tips cheerleader along the lines of Martha Stewart.
"About four million American families will buy some of their gifts
on-line for the first time this holiday season," the President drawled.
"I intend to join them, because on-line shopping has significant
benefits not just for consumers and large established retailers. On-line
commerce also opens a world of opportunity for local artisans and small
entrepreneurs."
Ah, but there are risks on the Net, and His Smarminess was ready with
a few special pointers: "First, in the on-line world, you must pay close
attention to details. Carefully check for shipping and delivery dates,
for extra fees, warranties, return policies, and phone numbers to call
if you run into a problem."
Sage advice to be sure. We look forward to his Christmas message,
perhaps revealing his favourite tart crust recipe and quilting tips.
And there was more: "Second, always buy with a credit card. With
credit cards you are protected by federal law against unauthorised
charges," the President of the United States advised.
And on he went: "Third, guard your privacy at all times. Look for the
unbroken key or padlock symbols on the order page to ensure that your
credit care information will be transmitted securely. Don't share
passwords with anyone, and be sure to read the merchant's privacy policy
to see what information is being collected about you and how it will be
used."
He even consecrated a new national objective. Roosevelt had the New
Deal (and contributing to the defence of decent human civilisation
against vicious assaults by Germany and Japan); Kennedy had the Peace
Corps; and Johnson the War on Poverty and the Civil Rights Act. Clinton
would not be outdone. He offered to posterity the Online Shopping Spree.
"We all must work together to make sure that shopping on-line is just as
safe as shopping in a mall," the leader of the world's most powerful
nation urged his people.
This, then, was the President's Thanksgiving address: another
opportunity squandered to reach a commercially debauched nation with the
grossest of the world's gross national products in some meaningful human
context -- something like gratitude or empathy, perhaps, as humility
would of course be asking too much.
But instead, a race blithely poisoning its cardiovascular systems with
the most plentiful and cheapest groceries on Earth gorged itself during
a day when thirty thousand black, brown and yellow children in remote
quarters died of malnutrition, neglect and preventable disease, while
the President chirped inanely about some fatuous point-and-drool scheme
to stimulate the sale of tasteless consumer rubbish via personal
computers. Surely, if he possessed the ability to reason morally he
would have hanged himself in shame for that and perhaps fifty other
grotesque public performances.
We listened, and we confess it: we did laugh, all right; but we did so
because if we hadn't, we should have cried instead. ®
--
Chuck0
Mid-Atlantic Infoshop
http://www.infoshop.org/
Leonard Peltier Freedom Month
Executive Clemency For Peltier!
http://www.freepeltier.org/lpfreedommonth.html
Free Mumia Abu-Jamal Now!
http://www.infoshop.org/gulag/mumia_idx.html
"A society is a healthy society only to the degree
that it exhibits anarchistic traits."
- Jens Bjørneboe
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