Oh, dear. Well, I think that (a) my little comment was kind of funny and not demeaning; and (b) humor is important in all movements and in all lives, and particularly in the lives of PWD and their families; and (c) humor can coincide with knowledge and activism regarding issues of long-term care, attendant care, health coverage, income supports, etc., etc. for PWDs.
For the record, I was giggling about my recent and specific experience with my mother-in-law who is extremely alarmed about her son's independence. I was not attempting to make a general comment about parents of PWDs. But even a cool, disability rights mom like yourself would have to admit that **some** nondisabled parents of PWDs are part of the problem (just as some PWDs are part of the problem, some ABs are part of the solution, etc., etc.).
Claudia
In a message dated Fri, 5 Nov 1999 7:00:31 PM Eastern Standard Time, "Felicity Maddison" <[log in to unmask]> writes:
> Dear Claudia,
> You said,
> >I had to laugh out loud when I read your post. I just spent two weeks with
> my 70-year-old future mother-in-law. (My 33-year-old partner has been
> disabled since age 16, and has a spinal cord injury (C8/T1).) This
> particular mother fears her son's independence rather than his future needs,
> and (I believe) cannot imagine that his life could continue without her.
> Which makes for an interesting relationship between her and myself. : )
> >
> >Claudia
>
> For many families of people with a disability the future is of grave
> concern. Whilst I don't yet qualify, based on age, as a candidate for the
> research outlined I hold grave fears for my son and daughter's future once I
> am gone. The dependence of my son and daughter on me for support is neither
> their choice or mine but occurs due to the indifference/unwillingness of
> various governments to provide the supports they require in order to lead
> independent lives. Yes it is a created dependency but not one created by me
> nor one that I have ANY desire to perpetuate as I too would like to lead an
> independent life. Parents are often portrayed on this list in a negative
> light and as those responsible for perpetuating dependency of people with a
> disability presumably for some perverse self gratification. Please examine
> the issues and social policies that have emerged over the last two decades
> regarding community care. The basis of all social policy sems to me to be
> that the family will be EXPLOITED to provide that care because they are
> FAMILY AND THEREFORE THE CHEAPEST(to government and the valued tax paying
> community) WAY OF PROVIDING CARE IN THE COMMUNITY AVAILABLE. with the
> underlying premise being that as family they will care and also pick up/pay
> for the added costs of disability. Do you seriously think that my
> son,daughter and myself enjoy living without choice, without independence,
> in a perpetual state of compromise and below the poverty line just because I
> may have the need to be needed. I find your response to be demeaning of the
> situation many parents of people with a disability are unwillingly and
> ruthlessly placed in.
> Felicity
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