I would like to make a contribution to the discussion
as to whether disability is negative or not.
I always try to portray disabled people, including
myself, in a positive light. We all know how hurtful
the negative stereotypes are. And I have also found
disability pride.
But in some regards, my personal experience of
disability seems much more complex than a simple
negative/positive dichotomy.
For the purposes of this discussion, I will outline
some of the negatives and positives associated with my
brain injury.
The negatives
As a result of my accident, my employment
opportunities have been seriously affected, my income
has fallen dramatically, my circle of friends has
shrunk, my chances of having children naturally with
my wife have basically gone and I have learnt to live
with stigma. As a result of my brain injury alone, I
have experienced memory, mobility, communication and
balance problems, disinhibition, headaches,
depression, mood swings and rigid thinking. A section
of my radius was cut out and my radius and ulna were
fused, causing chronic pain and weakness to the area.
I live with chronic pain every day of my life, as well
as headaches and dizzy spells. As a result of my dizzy
spells, I have fallen on innumerable occasions and my
worst injuries from these falls have been broken ribs
and a broken wrist. I walk a lot less now, and a lot
slower, and I have put on a lot of weight.
I'm not going to lie to you. In some respects my
accident was the worst thing that ever happened in my
life. It's tough when you're always going to the shops
to buy one thing and coming home with another. Or when
you get lost even in the most familiar surroundings.
Or when your memory is always letting you down, so
you're always forgetting people's names, and you
struggle to remember the phone numbers you dial most
often. And its exhausting when you're always getting
lost, or bumping into things and having little
accidents. It's so frustrating when you would really
like to do something, but you get so fatigued by your
head injury, you have to give up almost as soon as
you've begun. Or when you are searching for a word in
your brain, and the word that comes out is nothing
like the one you meant. And its tough when your
"friends" abandon you because they don't feel
comfortable around you anymore. And its especially
difficult when you are trying to develop a whole new
concept of yourself and you can't understand all the
changes and your moods are constantly changing. You
are so vulnerable after a brian injury.
The positives
I try not to have an unbalanced view of my lif after
my brain injury. I'm writing this because I am a
survivor. Not a victim, a survivor. Nearly dying has
taught me many lessons about how to live. It
completely changed my character. I know that I am more
appreciative of pretty flowers, a lovely sunset, or
even a quiet day at home than I ever was before my
accident. I also have a much clearer perspective of
what matters to me and I try to make the most of the
time that I have. My relationships with my wife, my
friends and my family are so much more important than
ever before. I also share my feelings openly and
honestly with everyone and I laugh a lot more often
now. I am at peace with myself and the world. Without
my brain injury, these changes may not have occurred.
I was lucky!
I can remember telling someone how I'd been run over
by a courier van and then thinking about what could
have happened and saying "I guess I was lucky". He
nearly fell over laughing. But I still believe that.
It was not my time to die - I wanted to live and I
did. And that was my first step towards recovery. My
accident was in many ways the best thing that has
happened to me. Because of the accident, I learnt to
appreciate the little things in life, to relate to
people on a much deeper level, to value my remaining
friendships more and to develop much better coping
strategies. I found that whenever anyone I knew was
going through tough times, I could offer them support,
hope, inspiration and practical coping suggestions. I
also learnt the joy of mixing with other disabled
people, sharing personal stories, and relating on a
deeply personal level. I have been fortunate enough to
meet many other people with disabilities who have
similar challenges and triumphs.
In Conclusion
I hope you can understand, I see both negatives and
positives. Don't get me wrong - I have disability
pride. I would not change if I could. I prefer the new
me to the old me. I am a better person. I don't want
anyone's help, or pity, or charity. I am happy being
different. I am happy being disabled. I am happy being
me. But I think the whole topic is complex, not
simple.
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