My esteemed collegue Laurence Bathurst and everone else..
I am always surprised at how much people expect to catch mood, nuance,tone
of voice etc from messages/communication in this form. One can do quite a
bit of self analysis in fact by using one's immediate reactions to messages
as indicators of how one is feeling one's self about one's self as well as
how one is feeling about the issue addressed in the mesages. In this type
of forum transferance and countertransferance rule. :-)
This becomes even more interesting in a one removed way when one sees how
people including one's self, incorrectly quote the words of an advasory.
For example, my satement 'picking at ...' has been turned into 'picking
on..' My intention was to conjour an obsessive interest in detail. Somewhat
like unpicking a piece of fine embrodary and re-making a few stitches. From
the point of veiw of someone 'outside' the exchanges involving the metaphor
'pot calling the kettle beige..I had long ago lost the 'big picture' I
don't know what the tapestry is so the fine detail is lost on me.
One of my coping stategies is to 'let go' the anxiety and self blame which
go together with the realisation that I am hopelessly lost in a debate,
argument,exchange,lecture,consultation etc. I was suggesting to Colin, who
was (in my interpretation ..see first paragraph) exibiting just such
anxiety that he too 'let this one go'.
I did not say, as Lawrence suggests, that I immediately delete messages
such as his:-
Lawrence's mesage said
> Now if I were a real bitch I would ask this question "if you immediately
>delete messages such as mine, then how were you able to sample a
>portion of it to refer to in your message to Colin?
I give consideration to the message, re visit it a few times and having
decided that I and I mean I see no chink of anything I can recognise as
important to ME, delete the message and move on. I don't necessarily forget
a message though which is part of the way my brain as a dyslexic person
copes with life. I have virtually no short term memory, but an
indisructable long term one. (I have what is called a skills defecit in
automaticity)
In any case, Colin copied the message back in his appeal for fewer
metaphors!
Sparring is a perfectly acceptable form of communication as far as I am
concerned, but when I feel touched/moved by a contributor stating he feels
excluded (and yes to some extent I suppose..see paragraph one again, this
means I have identified with Colin and am using him as a Trojan Horse to
cary a message back to others) I feel a responsibility to respond. That is
my 'protective older sister' character being expressed..I grew up with
siblings with communication difficulties and we were separated from our
mother.
Lawrence and anyone can as me any question..the fact that he says 'if I
were a bitch' suggests he is cross with me and wantsme to know..well now I
know don't I :-)
Love and Peace
Amaryllis
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