Judy,
I'm not saying that some people in the room did not feel the same way she did
originally -- before she said she was offended. In other words, they were
offended, felt uncomfortable, etc., with or without her comments. The
difference is that she voiced her feelings and they didn't. Notice -- and
this is all presupposing that Henry's wife, and then Henry, relayed what
actually occurred, no one reaffirmed her attitude in front of the person
telling the joke. They came to her afterwards, privately. And, of course,
I'm fairly sure the person apologized to her because that's what we're taught
to do in polite society. However, you, Henry, Henry's wife, me, etc., do not
know what happened after she left the vicinity.
What I do know, as someone who passes on more than one count, is that after
the person leaves the area comments are made to reaffirm the norm by both the
person telling the joke and those around that person -- including usually
people who will admit, privately, that they didn't feel the behavior was
correct. In other words (to put it in simple sentence form), people who have
discriminatory beliefs are not going to change their beliefs simply because
someone said they were offended or explains how "insensitive" the behavior
was.
[log in to unmask] wrote:
> Carolyn wrote:
> > > It [confronting a discriminatory joke] only means that one should>
> > recognize that the only thing one has > done is sent the behavior
> > underground (for lack of a better term) and it won't be > done in one's
> > presence again -- at least not for a time.
>
> I find this an unnecessarily negative attitude. I have found that the
> majority of people if approached properly would prefer to be supportive. I
> have seem great improvements in attitude around disability issues when
> people are given meaningful imformation in sensitive ways.
>
> Henry Cullihill's wife felt supported by the response to her decision to
> speak out - she should know, she was there. Why undermine good things
> when they happen?
>
> JUdy SInger
--
Carolyn
check out, "Passing, Invisibility and Other Psychotic Stuff" at
http://www.tell-us-your-story.com/_disc68r/00000003.htm
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