Hi all
This is just about parental reactions to aquired disability, generally.
In a study by Rosalyn Bye (Icannot recall the reference sorry. Can
find it if needed) It showed that in the event of a male youth aquiring
brain injury from a motor vehicle accident, the parents feared any
permanent behavioural and cognitive impairment much more than a
physical impairment. The study also examined how the parents
recontructed the 'adolescence' of their sons following severe
impairment from brain damage.
> Barbara and Dona and all
>
> I don't think I was talking so much about blaming my mother, as I was
> trying to understand the ways that her ideas about what my life was
> going to be like post-injury were different from mine. Her fears that
> I would have a miserable life, and her wish for me to "get better,"
> (meaning be able to walk again) are not things I criticize her for
> now, almost thirty years after the fact (and further, she is no longer
> here)
> But in the first years, when I didn't know many other disabled people
> and I was making it up as I went along, I had to be vigilant (or felt
> I had to be), to keep my eye focused on what I thought about my
> disabled state, and not adopt my mom's view. I am currently writing
> about that time in my life, and want to explain my struggles - I don't
> try to really explain my mother's, i don't think I could do it
> justice, but I do try to express my feelings about how hard it must
> have been for her.
> Simi
>
>
> ---"Altman, Barbara" <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> > A question, tho: what do YOU mean, specifically, when you assert
> that your
> > parents never adjusted? (anyone)
> >
> > Good question Dona.
> >
> > I've been having my say about this discussion to a few friends, I
> might as
> > well share it with everyone. From my perspective
> > this is an extremely touchy subject, because people think they can
> get into
> > other people's heads and know what they are thinking. For example,
> from
> > Simi's view her mother had trouble "adjusting" or took longer than she
> > thought she should. But her mother may not have interpreted it that
> way.
> > Besides, if there is a problem it is her mother's problem and not
> Simi's.
> >
> > We all worry about our kids - that is part of unconditional love.
> We all
> > learned to deal with our problems in a different way depending on
> when and
> > where we were raised. I really think it is inappropriate to make the
> > judgements and stereotypes about how a parent feels or should feel.
> All you
> > know is how YOU feel about how your parent acts and what it brings
> up in
> > YOU. Many people sans disability have problems with parent
> interactions -
> > and spend years in therapy to work it out (or not work it out as the
> case
> > may be).
> >
> > What I want to know is why my concern about my oldest son losing
> his hair
> > or not being married is any different than my concern about my son
> with
> > mental retardation (who is non-verbal) getting proper medical
> treatment when
> > I seem to be the only person who can interpret his symptoms. If I
> were to
> > chose to be oblivious to all, then I would be criticized for being
> uncaring.
> > I know there are some horror stories out there, I know some parents
> have
> > helped to create very dependent children, but that isn't always the
> case. I
> > had an uncle raised in the 20's with severe residual limitations
> from polio
> > as an infant. He was sent to college (no special schools) and was
> among the
> > first to have an adapted automobile so that he could drive with his
> hands.
> > Did my grandmother mourn his problems, did she adjust - she seemed
> fine to
> > me. And she lived with my uncle in her declining years, was that "a
> > problem", didn't seem to be in our family it seemed mutually
> beneficial. I
> > am very tired of seeing parents judged, demeaned, criticized, put
> down, etc.
> > because they cared about their children. And I hope when persons with
> > disabilities write or talk about it they don't put their own issues
> on to
> > their parents. We can't live other peoples lives for them - that
> works in
> > both directions.
> >
> >
> > Barbara M. Altman, Ph.D.
> > Agency for Health Care Policy and Research
> > 2101 E. Jefferson St.
> > Rockville, MD 20752
> > (301) 594-2009
> > [log in to unmask] <mailto:[log in to unmask]>
> >
> >
>
> ==
> |~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|
> Simi Linton
> [log in to unmask]
> 212 580 9280 (phone and fax)
> |~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|~|
>
> _________________________________________________________
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>
Best regards
Laurence Bathurst
School of Occupation and Leisure Sciences
Faculty of Health Sciences
University of Sydney
P.O. Box 170
Lidcombe NSW 2141
Australia
Phone: (62 1) 9351 9509
Fax: (62 1) 9351 9166
e-mail: [log in to unmask]
Please visit the School's interim web site at
http://www.ot.cchs.usyd.edu.au
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Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious
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