>"Hello this is the doctor's surgery. If you have chest pain dial 999, if you
>have an injury such as a cut finger go to CASUALTY, if you want advice call
>this advice line xxxxxx, if you feel depressed the number for the Samaritans
>is xxxxxx, .........(blah, blah, blah.....5 minutes....blah).........,
>however if you really want to call the doctor, cannot wait until the next
>surgery hours and have considered all the alternatives mentioned before then
>call xxxxxx."
>
This reminds me of the computerised switchboard options that I heard
about...
"Welcome to Somewhereville Mental Health Services. Please select one of the
following options...
If you are suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder, please press 1,
repeatedly.
If you are suffering from multiple personality disorder, please press 2, 3
and 4 simultaneously.
If you are suffering from schizophrenia, listen very carefully and a little
voice will tell you what key to press.
If you are suffering from paranoia, stay on the line. We know who you are
and are tracing this call.
If you are suffering from depression, hang up now. It probably wouldn't do
any good anyway.
Thankyou. Please make your selection now."
Robbie Coull
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