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>>From [log in to unmask] Sat Dec 18 15:03:06 1999
>From: [log in to unmask]
>Date: Sat, 18 Dec 1999 08:58:30 EST
>Subject: CYBERLIGHTS Christmas Issue 23
>To: [log in to unmask]
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>
>CYBERLIGHTS NEWSLETTER
>
>17th December 1999 Issue 23
>Published weekly
(...)
>REDMOND, Wash. - Nov 15, 1999 -- In direct response to accusations made by
>the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will
>be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an
>undisclosed sum.
>
>"It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth," said Microsoft
>chairman Bill Gates, "it really is going to be a positive arrangement for
>everyone,". Microsoft representatives held a briefing in the oval office of
>the White House with US President Bill Clinton, and assured members of the
>press that changes will be "minimal."
>
>The United States will be managed as a wholly-owned division of Microsoft.
>An initial public offering is planned for July of next year, and the federal
>government is expected to be profitable by "Q4 2000 at latest", according to
>Microsoft president Steve Ballmer.
>
>In a related announcement, Bill Clinton stated that he had "willingly and
>enthusiastically" accepted a position as a vice president with Microsoft and
>will continue to manage the United States government, reporting directly to
>Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive
>authority to Gates, Clinton smiled and referred to it as "a relief." He went
>on to say that Gates has a "proven track record," that U.S. citizens should
>offer Gates their "full support and confidence."
>
>Clinton will reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually he has
>earned as U.S. President, in his new role at Microsoft. Gates dismissed a
>suggestion that the U.S. Capitol be moved to Redmond as "silly," though he
>did say that he would make executive decisions for the U.S. government from
>his existing office at Microsoft headquarters.
>
>Gates went on to say that the House and Senate would "of course" be
>abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy," he observed, "and look how well
>we're doing."
>
>When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding,
>Gates said, "We don't deny that discussions are taking place."
>
>Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United States
>citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government services
>and discounts on all Microsoft products.
>
>About Microsoft: Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide
>leader in software for personal computers, and democratic government. The
>company offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and
>personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and more
>enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal
>computing and free society every day.
>
>About the United States: Founded in 1789, the United States of America is
>the most successful nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon
>of democracy and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington,
>DC, the United States is a wholly-owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation.
>
>"The United States of America" and "Microsoft" are registered
>trademarks of Microsoft Corporation.
>
>By Rick Beneteau InterNiche.net - The Mirror
(it's a joke)
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