. I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and 
>> give the wrong answers.
>> 
>> 2. A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
>> 
>> 3. The hypothalamus is one of the most important parts of the brain, 
>> involved in many kinds of motivation, among other functions. The 
>> hypothalamus controls the "Four F's": 1. fighting; 2. fleeing; 
>> 3.feeding; and 4. mating. -- Psychology professor in neuropsychology 
>> intro course
>> 
>> 4. What is a committee?
>> A group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the 
>> unnecessary. -- Richard Harkness, "The New York Times"
>> 
>> 5. Slogan of 105.9, the classic rock radio station in Chicago: "Of all 
>> the radio stations in Chicago...we're one of them."
>> 
>> 6. With every passing hour our solar system comes forty-three thousand 
>> miles closer to globular cluster M13 in the constellation Hercules, 
>> and still there are some misfits who continue to insist that there is 
>> no such thing as progress. -- Ransom K. Ferm
>> 
>> 7. Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
>> 
>> 8. Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to 
>> pound in the correct screw.
>> 
>> 9. The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
>> The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The 
>> graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The 
>> graduate with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with 
>> that?"
>> 
>> 10. Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had 
>> years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make 
>> some of the worst movies in the history of the world. -- Dave Barry
>> 
>> 11. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian 
>> because I hate plants. -- A. Whitney Brown
>> 
>> 12. A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely 
>> rearranging their prejudices. -- William James
>> 
>> 13. Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes 
>> hurtling down the highway. -- Andrew Tannenbaum
>> 
>> 14. We should be careful to get out of an experience only the wisdom 
>> that is in it - and stop there; lest we be like the cat that sits down 
>> on a hot stove-lid. She will never sit down on a hot stove-lid 
>> again---and that is well; but also she will never sit down on a cold 
>> one anymore. -- Mark Twain
>> 
>> 
>> 15. There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in 
>> the streets? -- Dick Cavett, mocking the TV-violence debate
>> 
>> 16. If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an 
>> infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even 
>> considering if there are men on base. -- Dave Barry
>> 
>> 17. I am sick unto death of obscure English towns that exist seemingly 
>> for the sole accommodation of these so-called limerick writers -- and 
>> even sicker of their residents, all of whom suffer from physical 
>> deformities and spend their time dismembering relatives at fancy dress 
>> balls. -- Editor of the Limerick Times (Limerick, Ireland)
>> 
>> 18. When cryptography is outlawed, bayl bhgynjf jvyy unir cevinpl.
>> 
>> 19. Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your 
>> triumphs or how tragic your defeats---approximately one billion 
>> Chinese couldn't care less.
>> 
>> 20. 668: The Neighbor of the Beast
>> 
>> 21. Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather 
>> straps. -- Emo Phillips
>> 
>> 22. Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.
>> 
>> 23. Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you recognize a 
>> mistake when you make it again. -- F. P. Jones
>> 
>> 24. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn 
>> from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent 
>> disinclination to do so. -- Douglas Adams
>> 
>> 25. As your attorney, it is my duty to inform you that it is not 
>> important that you understand what I'm doing or why you're paying me 
>> so much money. What's important is that you continue to do so. -- 
>> Hunter S. Thompson's Samoan Attorney
>> 
>> 26. When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, 
>> a woman in the audience stood up and said, "Yes, but is it the God of 
>> the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don't 
>> believe?" -- Quentin Crisp
>> 
>> 27. Boundary, n. In political geography, an imaginary line between two 
>> nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary 
>> rights of another. -- Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary
>> 
>> 28. I think that all right-thinking people in this country are sick 
>> and tired of being told that ordinary, decent people are fed up in 
>> this country with being sick and tired. I'm certainly not! But I'm 
>> sick and tired of being told that I am! -- Monty Python
>> 
>> 29. May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. 
>> -- George Carlin
>> 
>> 30. Sorry, but my karma just ran over your dogma.
>> 
>> 31. Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent 
>> revolution inevitable. -- John F. Kennedy
>> 
>> 32. Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of 
>> which I disapprove. -- Ashleigh Brilliant
>> 
>> 33. My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. -- 
>> Ashleigh Brilliant
>> 
>> 34. Her kisses left something to be desired -- the rest of her.
>> 
>> 35. Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.
>> 
>> 36. Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less 
>> confusing that way.
>> 
>> 37. Based on what you know about him in history books, what do you 
>> think Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today? 1. 
>> Writing his memoirs of the Civil War. 2. Advising the President. 3. 
>> Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin. --David Letterman
>> 
>> 38. Once at a social gathering, Gladstone said to Disraeli, "I 
>> predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile 
>> disease". Disraeli replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether I 
>> embrace your principles or your mistress."
>> 
>> 39. For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow 
>> but phone calls taper off. -- Johnny Carson
>> 
>> 40. I think that the team that wins game five will win the series. 
>> Unless we lose game five. -- Charles Barkley
>> 
>> 41. My initial response was to sue her for defamation of character, 
>> but then I realized that I had no character. -- Charles Barkley, on 
>> hearing Tonya Harding proclaim herself "the Charles Barkley of figure 
>> skating"
>> 
>> 42. The most important thing in the programming language is the name. 
>> A language will not succeed without a good name. I have recently 
>> invented a very good name and now I am looking for a suitable 
>> language. -- D. E. Knuth, 1967
>> 
>> 43. A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you 
>> least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what's left of 
>> your unit. -- In the August 1993 issue, page 9, of PS magazine, the 
>> Army's magazine of preventive maintenance
>> 
>> 44. An Animated Cartoon Theology:
>> 1. People are animals.
>> 2. The body is mortal and subject to incredible pain. 3. Life is 
>> antagonistic to the living.
>> 4. The flesh can be sawed, crushed, frozen, stretched, burned, bombed, 
>> and plucked for music. 5. The dumb are abused by the smart and the 
>> smart destroyed by their own cunning. 6. The small are tortured by the 
>> large and the large destroyed by their own momentum. 7. We are able to 
>> walk on air, but only as long as our illusion supports us. -- E. L. 
>> Doctorow "The Book of Daniel"
>> 
>> 45. Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of 
>> Congress. But I repeat myself. -- Mark Twain
>> 
>> 46. Calvin: People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they 
>> don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the 
>> world. Hobbes: Isn't your pant's zipper supposed to be in the front?
>> 
>> 47. On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor 
>> Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which 
>> Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade 
>> the University will allow me to award."
>> 
>> 48. The overwhelming majority of people have more than the average 
>> (mean) number of legs. -- E. Grebenik
>> 
>> 49. Old Yiddish proverb: "If triangles had a God, He'd have three 
>> sides."
>> 
>> 50. Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it 
>> starts avoiding you. -- Old Farmer's Almanac
>> 
>> 51.
>> G: "If we do happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"
>> EB: "Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet in the air and 
>> scatter oneself over a wide area." -- Somewhere in No Man's Land, BA4
>> 
>> 52. The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled. -- 
>> Plutarch
>> 
>> 53. Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone 
>> wrong?" Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one 
>> night." -- Charlie Brown
>> 
>> 54. The only difference between me and a madman is that I am not mad. 
>> -- Salvador Dali
>> 
>> 55. What a distressing contrast there is between the radiant 
>> intelligence of the child and the feeble mentality of the average 
>> adult. -- Sigmund Freud
>> 
>> 56. I hate to advocate drugs, alcohol, violence, or insanity to 
>> anyone, but they've always worked for me. -- Hunter S. Thompson
>> 
>> 57. Sacred cows make the best hamburger. -- Mark Twain
>> 
>> 58. "Time's fun when you're having flies." -- Kermit the Frog




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