Good morning, and welcome to your community psychiatric unit automated switchboard.
If you are suffering from an obsessive-compulsive disorder please press button 1....repeatedly.
If you are suffering from a dependent personality disorder then get someone to press button 2 for you.
If you are suffering from a split personality then press button 3 with your left hand and button 4 with your right.
If you are suffering from schizophrenia press button 5 and a little voice will tell you what to do.
If you are suffering from manic depression, press buttons 6, 7, 8 and 9 in any order.
If you are suffering from paranoia, don't press any of the buttons. We know who you are, where you live, what you want.................
Robert
Dr Robert Treharne Jones
aka Wizard Wheeze Computing
8 Oxlea Road, Wellswood, Torquay TQ1 2HF
Tel: 01803 214864
email: [log in to unmask]
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