Oh, this couldn't be true of literature research, surely...
---------- Forwarded message ----------
Date: Fri, 14 Nov 1997 11:06:14 +0000 (GMT)
From: Steve Fuller <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Cc: [log in to unmask]
Subject: Make sure this is covered in Research Methods!
WHAT YOUR ADVISOR SAYS WHAT YOUR ADVISOR MEANS
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Look at this as a learning You're going to suffer
experience
Let me explain the format of the Let me make you even more
defense. nervous.
I'm here to lend you support. I'm here to destroy you so you
won't look smarter than me.
I found the overall concept This is my token compliment
interesting. before ripping your idea to shreds.
I would like to have had more time I didn't read it.
to study this.
I have some concerns about the I hate the theory, but I can't
theory upon which your study is insult the author so I'll
based. insult your work
instead.
There are some aspects of the I read it but I just don't
study that I would like to hear remember anything about it.
more about.
Your hypotheses are not strongly You came up with an innovative
enough linked to the existing idea and I want to make sure you
literature. never do it again.
Your research is an interesting Why didn't I think of this
extension of my own work. before you did?
You have failed to take into You failed to cite me.
account some of the more relevant
literature.
I would like you to explain... I don't know anything about this
stuff so you'll have to explain
it to me.
Your statistical results don't I don't understand statistics.
seem to support your hypothesis.
Your selection of statistical I'm the only one here that
tests is rather simplistic. understands statistics and I wanted
to rub it in.
How did you ensure that you had I had to come up with at least
drawn a random sample? one question and this one always
works.
This is a great topic for your This is some grunge work that
thesis. will help me get tenure.
You will be ready to write up You have now become a useful slave
soon, but need to do just one and I am not about to let you go
more experiment/program/chip. without doing more footwork for
me.
Your funding is secure. Maybe.
Your funding is probably OK. Start worrying.
I'll see what we can do about Start looking for another
funding. advisor.
Think of this as an investment We're going to exploit you to
in skills that will be useful the gills.
to you in your later career.
Don't listen to XYZ, just Both XYZ and I are fools, but
listen to me. I'm funding you.
Let's wrap this up. I'm hungry.
Could you step out of the room We decided beforehand to give
while the committee comes to a you a degree, but we still want to
decision? make you sweat some more.
Write another chapter. Write another chapter.
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