And another.  I haven't seen this before, and it's a gem.

---------- Forwarded message ----------

Do you know European?

        Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC
        (now officially the European Union, or EU), the European
        Parliament has commissioned a feasability study in ways
        of improving efficiency in communications between Government
        departments.

        European officials have often pointed out that English spelling
        is unnecessary difficult; for example: cough, plough, rough, through
        and thorough. What is clearly needed is a phased programme of
        changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of
        course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by
        participating nations.

        In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using
        's' instead of the soft 'c'. Sertainly, sivil servants in all
        sities would resieve this news with joy. Then the hard 'c' could
        be replaced by 'k' sinse both letters are pronounsed alike.  Not
        only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of klerikal
        workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.

        There would be growing enthusiasm when in the sekond year, it was
        anounsed that the troublesome 'ph' would henseforth be written
        'f'.  This would make words like 'fotograf' twenty persent shorter
        in print.

        In the third year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be
        expekted to reash the stage where more komplikated shanges are
        possible. Governments would enkourage the removal of double
        letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.

        We would al agre that the horible mes of silent 'e's in the
        languag is disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to
        read and writ as though nothing had hapend. By this tim it would
        be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be reseptive to
        steps sutsh as replasing 'th' by 'z'. Perhaps zen ze funktion of
        'w' kould be taken on by 'v', vitsh is, after al, half a 'w'.
        Shortly after zis, ze unesesary 'o kould be dropd from words
        kontaining 'ou'. Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to ozer
        kombinations of leters.

        Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventuli hav a reli
        sensibl riten styl. After tventi yers zer vud be no mor trubls,
        difikultis and evrivun vud fin it ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze
        drems of the Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.

--------------end of forward-------------------

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Capt. R. G. Bernstein                      voice: (207) 372-8621
Atlantic Expeditions                       e-mail: [log in to unmask]
St. George, Maine 04857                    Tours to Matinicus Rock & Seal I.



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