Why the Internet Is Like a Penis
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* It can be up or down. It's more fun when it's up, but it makes it
hard to get any real work done.
* In the long-distant past, its only purpose was to transmit information
considered vital to the survival of the species. Some people still think
that's the only thing it should be used for, but most folks today use it
for fun most of the time.
* It has no conscience and no memory. Left to its own devices, it will
just do the same damn dumb things it did before.
* It provides a way to interact with other people. Some people take
this interaction very seriously, others treat it as a lark. Sometimes it's
hard to tell what kind of person you're dealing with until it's too late.
* If you don't apply the appropriate protective measures, it can spread
viruses.
* It has no brain of its own. Instead, it uses yours. If you use it
too much, you'll find it becomes more and more difficult to think
coherently.
* We attach an importance to it that is far greater than its actual size
and influence warrant.
* If you're not careful what you do with it, it can get you in big trouble.
* It has its own agenda. Somehow, no matter how good your intentions, it
will warp your behavior. Later you may ask yourself "why on earth did I do
that?"
* Some folks have it, some don't. Those who have it would be devastated
if it were ever cut off. They think that those who don't have it are
somehow inferior. They think it gives them power. They are wrong. Those
who don't have it may agree that it's a nifty toy, but think it's not worth
the fuss that those who do have it make about it. Still, many of those who
don't have it would like to try it.
* Once you've started playing with it, it's hard to stop. Some people
would just play with it all day if they didn't have work to do.
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Top Ten Signs You are an Internet Geek
10. When filling out your driver's license application you give your IP
address.
9. You no longer ask prospective dates what their sign is, instead your
line is "Hi, what's your URL?"
8. Instead of calling you to dinner, your spouse sends email.
7. You're amazed to find out spam is a food.
6. You "ping" people to see if they're awake, "finger" them to find out
how they are, and "AYT" them to make sure they're listening to you.
5. You search the Net endlessly hoping to win every silly free T-shirt
contest.
4. You introduce your wife as "my [log in to unmask]" and refer to your
children as "client applications".
3. At social functions you introduce your husband as "my domain server".
2. After winning the office super bowl pool you blurt out, "I feel so
"colon-right parentheses!"
...And the number one sign you are an Internet Geek:
1. Two Words: "Pizza's Here!".
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