Thanks Barry could change title cheers
------ Original Message ------
From: "Barry Alpert" <[log in to unmask]>
To: [log in to unmask]
Sent: Wednesday, 25 Nov, 2020 At 18:51
Subject: Re: Patsnap 915
Patrick, Comparable local advertisement which I still remember but never
claimed as found poetry (didn't like rhyme) was:
"college hunk / haul junk". Current American slang lends an erotic
aspect, but I didn't care for that either and haven't remembered the
evolutions of the slogan as hires were added to the one-man operation.
Accidentally stumbled upon a profile of the business and read that but
don't recall any more details. Otherwise I don't think you get away
with 3 repetitions of "cheap rates" within 14 line units (including the
title) and suggest closing with "asked whether / they removed / and
disposed / of rubbish husbands". Saves 2 lines unless you were going for
14 lines & hinting at a sonnet. Plus a more resonant UK empire (&
perhaps feminist) closing line than third repetition of advertising
lingo. Barry
On Wed, 25 Nov 2020 10:42:03 +0000, [log in to unmask]
<[log in to unmask]> wrote:
CHEAP RATES
she saw advertised
in the paper
rubbish removals
and disposals
cheap rates
she rang them up
and
asked whether
they removed
rubbish husbands
and disposed
of them
cheap rates
pmcmanus
s712
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