Good move, Bill. And thanks for further detail! Good to understand. Sheila
On Wed, Jun 10, 2020, 3:49 PM Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Thanks, Doug. That’s helpful. The great man is a premiership AFL football
> coach (of The Hawks, hence griffin in the poem) and long time friend of the
> family. At 92, he was last week elevated to ‘official Legend’ status, a
> distinction shared by only 29 others in the 120 y o league. I think I may
> be gilding the lily to add the further sense of ongoing shame. Besides
> anything else, I had forgotten they were 4-line stanzas and the addition of
> two lines in tercet form looks odd. And to keep it from the boy’s
> perspective, I will stop at gawk.
>
> Bill
>
> On Thu, 11 Jun 2020 at 2:54 am, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
> > It depends on what you’re trying for, Bill. If you want to keep it at the
> > level of the child’s (?) perspective, then stopping at gawk seems right;
> if
> > you want to shift to the later adult’s added view, looking back (as so
> many
> > your recent poems do), then perhaps a version of the last 2 stanzas is
> > called for. I’m assuming ‘the heat man’ is the child’s perspective, &
> he’s
> > not necessarily truly great man? Not sure of that aspect. How the adult
> > role impinges on a chid’s…
> >
> > Doug
> >
> > > On Jun 10, 2020, at 5:57 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> > wrote:
> > >
> > > Thanks, Patrick. The gawk line was the original finisher. I just
> thought
> > > the poem might have been too much about the gawk so I gave more great
> man
> > > but even there the gawk got in at the end I suppose.
> > >
> > > Bill
> > >
> > > On Wed, 10 Jun 2020 at 8:04 pm, Patrick McManus <
> > > [log in to unmask]> wrote:
> > >
> > >> Thanks Bill my penneth? I would finish on gawk
> > >>
> > >> On 09/06/2020 23:52, Sheila Murphy wrote:
> > >>> Metaphorically rich and in fact replete with meaning, Bill. Thank
> you.
> > >>> Sheila
> > >>>
> > >>> On Tue, Jun 9, 2020 at 3:40 PM Bill Wootton <
> [log in to unmask]>
> > >>> wrote:
> > >>>
> > >>>> The great man waits in the car
> > >>>>
> > >>>> The great man waits in the car outside
> > >>>>
> > >>>> The great man waits in the car outside with his wife
> > >>>>
> > >>>> It is my doing
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> The great man had knocked on the door
> > >>>>
> > >>>> The great man had stood on the threshold with his wife
> > >>>>
> > >>>> The great man and his wife had retreated
> > >>>>
> > >>>> when I said they’d be home soon
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> I hadn’t felt able to invite the great man and his wife
> > >>>>
> > >>>> into the house to wait for those they wanted to see
> > >>>>
> > >>>> so the great man and his wife waited in the car
> > >>>>
> > >>>> while I kept moving, window checking from time to time
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> It might have been twenty minutes before they arrived,
> > >>>>
> > >>>> those the great man and his wife had come to see
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Now all were gathered in the front room,
> > >>>>
> > >>>> the griffin, his great partner, the greeters and the gawk
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> The great man’s wife is dead now
> > >>>>
> > >>>> His visiting days are over
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Last week the great man was elevated
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> to the ultimate service title
> > >>>>
> > >>>> He would at least have been offered
> > >>>>
> > >>>> a cup of coffee inside while waiting
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> bw
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> My question for all is does it need the last two stanzas which I
> added
> > >> this
> > >>>> morning?
> > >>>>
> > >>>>
> > >>>> Bill
> > >>>>
> >
> > Douglas Barbour
> > [log in to unmask]
> > https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
> >
> > Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations & Continuations
> > 2 (UofAPress).
> > Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> > Listen. If (UofAPress):
> >
> >
> >
> > When thugs were in power, educated people were the first
> > to feel their fists. It was so pathetic, really, how so much violence
> > came from someone feeling small. Small of mind, and it did not
> > matter how big the sword in hand, that essential smallness remained,
> > gnawing with very sharp teeth.
> >
> > the scholar Janath Anar
> > in Steven Eerikson’s Reaper’s Gale
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
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