Thanks all. Never one to see things as either/or propositions, I have
recast my poem in tercet form but an still stuck, Doug, for an alternative
title.
Love
a mad current swirls
beneath skin’s surface
twists and sprawls
infiltrates security
whirlpools priorities
roughshods obligations
cajoles
whispers
sings
some time after
love lies back
sparks a cigarette
offers more
than shared air
to those prepared to go the distance
bw
On Thu, 5 Dec 2019 at 5:02 am, Patrick McManus <
[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Hi Bill I rather preferred the shorter version cheers P
>
> On 03/12/2019 21:57, Bill Wootton wrote:
> > a mad current swirls
> >
> > beneath skin’s surface
> >
> > denies the head governance
> >
> > skedaddles behaviour patterns
> >
> > whirlpools priorities
> >
> > roughshods obligations
> >
> > twists and sprawls
> >
> > whispers
> >
> > sings
> >
> >
> > sometimes pauses unhelpfully
> >
> > but the rupture is absolute
> >
> >
> > when reciprocated
> >
> > the fierceness
> >
> > redoubles
> >
> > charges into pulsing territory
> >
> > look out
> >
> > for spontaneous eruptions
> >
> > peaks
> >
> >
> > requited
> >
> > love lies back a while
> >
> > sparks a cigarette
> >
> > offers more
> >
> > than shared air
> >
> > to those prepared to go the distance
> >
> >
> > bw
> >
> > 3.12.19
> >
> >
> > I showed this to an acquaintance, a local Finnish woman, recently hooked
> up
> > with a new partner. She liked it but came up with this rearrangement. Be
> > interested in people’s thoughts. The poem was inspired by reading Finnish
> > poet Toby Tabermann’s Possessive Love, which I can post later if anyone
> > cares to see it.
> >
> >
> > Bill
> >
> >
> >
> > Love. Yenni version
> >
> >
> >
> > Mad current swirls beneath the skins surface
> >
> >
> > Twists
> >
> > and sprawls
> >
> >
> > Eruptions!
> >
> >
> > Sings
> >
> > Whispers
> >
> >
> > Lies back a while
> >
> >
> > Sparks a cigarette
> >
> >
> >
> > Love
> >
> >
> > offers more than shared air
> >
> >
> > to those
> >
> > prepared to go the distance
> >
> >
> >
> > The rupture
> >
> >
> >
> > absolute
> >
> > ########################################################################
> >
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