Thanks Andrew. Sage.
Bill
On Fri, 15 Nov 2019 at 4:58 pm, Andrew Burke <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> Move on, Bill - accept your first draft and fickle it for editing maybe
> later. Write another first draft - don't linger. Soon you'll go back and
> see it more objectively - then you can edit it. & have one more poem to
> edit ...
>
> The Old Man has spoken ...
>
> Andrew
>
> On Fri, 15 Nov 2019 at 13:42, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
> > Thanks, Doug. I have had a go at rewriting this using the rhyme scheme
> > Frost used on Stopping by Woods but at this stage the rhymes (a,a,b,a)
> look
> > too forced and it looks like I am suggesting JJ suicided, which is not
> the
> > case as far as I know. I do think the Frosty guy in the cart may be
> > contemplating such however.
> >
> > Bill
> >
> > On Thu, 14 Nov 2019 at 3:20 am, Douglas Barbour <[log in to unmask]>
> > wrote:
> >
> > > A moving metaphor in the real, Bill, & layered as Sheila says…
> > >
> > > Doug
> > >
> > > > On Nov 13, 2019, at 3:37 AM, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> > > wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Could be right, Patrick.
> > > >
> > > > Might go with:
> > > >
> > > > Ten year shirt 2
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > How could I have known
> > > >
> > > > that this shirt,
> > > >
> > > > dark and unremarkable,
> > > >
> > > > would outlive the Timorese boy
> > > >
> > > > who said Cool shirt, Sir,
> > > >
> > > > ten years ago
> > > >
> > > > when I wore it for the first time
> > > >
> > > > into the High Achievers
> > > >
> > > > Year 8 class at Resa High?
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > It took Facebook
> > > >
> > > > to tell me that JJ
> > > >
> > > > had drowned,
> > > >
> > > > years after leaving school,
> > > >
> > > > having established himself
> > > >
> > > > as a lively hiphop performer.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > His older sister Tina,
> > > >
> > > > electing to ‘do an oral’
> > > >
> > > > on the contentious issue
> > > >
> > > > of refugee boat arrivals,
> > > >
> > > > had deftly leaned the lectern
> > > >
> > > > all the way to the floor,
> > > >
> > > > before straddling the stand
> > > >
> > > > and mock rowing throughout
> > > >
> > > > her presentation.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Shirt now faded and frayed,
> > > >
> > > > one slight tear in the pocket
> > > >
> > > > but still fit for gardening.
> > > >
> > > > Is it, I recall JJ asking,
> > > >
> > > > when it came time for him
> > > >
> > > > to do his oral,
> > > >
> > > > OK to sing it?
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > My word it was.
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Bill
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > > Bill
> > >
> > > Douglas Barbour
> > > [log in to unmask]
> > > https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
> > >
> > > Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations &
> Continuations
> > > 2 (UofAPress).
> > > Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> > > Listen. If (UofAPress):
> > >
> > >
> > > Swept snow, Li Po,
> > > by dawn’s 40-watt moon
> > > to the road that hies to office
> > > away from home.
> > >
> > > Lorine Niedecker
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > >
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>
>
> --
> Andrew
> http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
> Books available through Walleah Press
> http://walleahpress.com.au
>
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