Just to say I like it - a good theme and form to take further .
Sent from my iPhone
> On 20 Dec 2018, at 12:46 pm, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
> Many thanks, Bill. I appreciate those thoughts. I can probably lose
> 'there are' but, as you say, sometimes less isn't always more (or
> less).
> Interesting you also got with the Bradbury idea. I was playing with
> time in a non-linear sense but, yes, the idea of the 'imminent' is
> there as well - if it appears to be 'something' that this way comes,
> so to speak, so be it. Anyway, I'll take it.
>
> Best,J
> ___________________________________________Jill Jones
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
> To:
> Cc:
> Sent:Thu, 20 Dec 2018 09:17:47 +1100
> Subject:Re: Snap: Paths
>
> Jill, this is wonderful, especially the first four stanzas. I feel
> all the
> stretching and clinging and draping and I’m particularly taken with
> that
> surprising simile linking footsteps with unprayer.
>
> Agree with Doug about ‘there are’, although you could make a case
> that it
> slows it down a bit and perhaps gives that sight a sort of
> ‘pregnancy’,
> leading to the final line where happening is imminent. This picks up
> Patrick, with the Bradbury feel. I can see this. There is a sense of
> something going down here or about to go down.
>
> Bill
>
> On Thu, 20 Dec 2018 at 3:37 am, Patrick McManus <
> [log in to unmask]> wrote:
>
>> sort of magical moment -honeyeaters are they birds? makes me think
> of
>> the atmosphere of early Ray Bradbury
>>
>>> On 19/12/2018 13:07, Jill Jones wrote:
>>>
>>> Paths
>>>
>>> Early afternoon stretches along the street.
>>>
>>> Honeyeaters cling onto wires.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> My footsteps are buried in the pavement
>>>
>>> like a prayer that never surfaces.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> The light within light contracts and travels.
>>>
>>> Half-remembered cadences roll over a fence.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> The hour seems to drape.
>>>
>>> Trees invent shadow.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> A jet’s underside pushes into the west.
>>>
>>> Nearby there are birds that will soon fly north.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> Concrete slowly flakes
>>>
>>> as if it’s also going somewhere.
>>>
>>> ___________________________________________Jill Jones
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
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