Thanks, Barry. Perhaps I’ll just leave the title fluid.
Bill
On Thu, 15 Nov 2018 at 1:50 pm, Barry Alpert <
[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> I really like this version, Bill, particularly because your syntax and
> punctuation doesn't duplicate my off-camera rewriting in any instance.
> Quite a strong short poem, approaching a half-sonnet. Barry
>
> On Thu, 15 Nov 2018 08:56:14 +1100, Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
> >Cutting and pasting did that, Barry. Here goes again. Tried a full stop to
> >close the firs line but it seemed to arrest the fluidity. A dsh seemed too
> >bald. Anyway, now I need a new title. Thanks, Sheila too, for your
> >encouragement.
> >
> >Such a fluid thing ...
> >in dreams and memories
> >
> >people seem so preoccupied,
> >going about their business.
> >
> >What’s mine?
> >
> >Bill
> >
> >On Thu, 15 Nov 2018 at 6:05 am, Barry Alpert <
> >[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> >> Almost, Bill. I can even imagine no extra space between lines 1 & 2 nor
> >> lines 3 & 4. Simulating couplets before the turn. Now I wonder about
> >> punctuation within the first 4 lines. Barry
> >>
> >> On Wed, 14 Nov 2018 20:46:06 +1100, Bill Wootton <
> [log in to unmask]>
> >> wrote:
> >>
> >> >So ...
> >> >
> >> >Such a fluid thing
> >> >
> >> >in dreams and memories
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >people seem so preoccupied
> >> >
> >> >going about their business
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >What’s mine?
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >Is this what you are suggesting, Barry? Can see merit if so but not
> sure
> >> >about the preposition use in line 2.
> >> >
> >> >
> >> >Bill
> >> >
> >> >On Wed, 14 Nov 2018 at 2:13 pm, Barry Alpert <
> >> >[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >> >
> >> >> Bill, After a number of readings, I've decided to take the title as
> the
> >> >> first line in a single-spaced unit with "in dreams and memories".
> Then
> >> >> double-spacing between units and the current lines 2 & 3 as another
> >> unit. A
> >> >> final double-space between stanzas and then your final line. Barry
> >> >>
> >> >> On Tue, 13 Nov 2018 17:07:42 -0700, Sheila Murphy <
> >> [log in to unmask]>
> >> >> wrote:
> >> >>
> >> >> >The question of questions, Bill. A brave one.
> >> >> >
> >> >> >On Tue, Nov 13, 2018, 4:42 PM Bill Wootton <
> [log in to unmask]
> >> >> wrote:
> >> >> >
> >> >> >> In dreams and memories
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> people seem so preoccupied
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> going about their business
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> What’s mine?
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> bw
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >> 14.11.18
> >> >> >>
> >> >> >>
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