Hi Bill,
This seems again on that dreaming path.
I like what this is trying to do.
I'm not quite sure about tucked-in truths. I guess it's the easy kind
of lie/truth dualism that makes me want another word. But I like the
tucked-in idea. Not sure what to suggest except to mess up the
tucked-in-ness with the lawlessness.
Also wondered if the last line could turn at 'cinema' and then lose
'of'.
But neat, these short poems.
Best,Jill
________________________
Jill Jones
wwwjilljones.com.au
Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press
http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones
----- Original Message -----
From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
To:
Cc:
Sent:Wed, 5 Sep 2018 08:40:52 +1000
Subject:Bed paths
Horizontal lies, tucked-in truths
play in your head
as you disappear
into the lawless cinema of dreams
bw
########################################################################
To unsubscribe from the POETRYETC list, click the following link:
https://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/cgi-bin/webadmin?SUBED1=POETRYETC&A=1
########################################################################
To unsubscribe from the POETRYETC list, click the following link:
https://www.jiscmail.ac.uk/cgi-bin/webadmin?SUBED1=POETRYETC&A=1
|