A valuable community to me, Sheila.
Bill
On Wed, 29 Aug 2018 at 4:27 pm, Sheila Murphy <[log in to unmask]>
wrote:
> We are a community. Nothing better than that, Bill!
>
> On Tue, Aug 28, 2018, 11:08 PM Bill Wootton <[log in to unmask]>
> wrote:
>
> > Many thanks, Sheila and Jill. Sometimes new eyes see what these eyes
> should
> > see or only see much later.
> >
> > Bill
> >
> > On Wed, 29 Aug 2018 at 11:45 am, Jill Jones <[log in to unmask]> wrote:
> >
> > > Hi Bill,
> > > Like this a lot. And I agree with yr poet friend, and Sheila. This
> > > version keeps to the point sharply.
> > > Eight lines is a good length for a poem like this.
> > >
> > > Cheers,Jill
> > > ________________________
> > > Jill Jones
> > > www.jilljones.com.au
> > >
> > > Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press
> > > http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones
> > >
> > > ----- Original Message -----
> > > From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
> > > To:
> > > Cc:
> > > Sent:Wed, 29 Aug 2018 08:41:41 +1000
> > > Subject:Sleep
> > >
> > > Sleep
> > >
> > > As a clogged fire smoulders
> > >
> > > wrestling with its latency
> > >
> > > until from somewhere,
> > >
> > > kindle catches
> > >
> > > and flame is born
> > >
> > > so the transition
> > >
> > > from restlessness
> > >
> > > to the blaze of sleep
> > >
> > > bw
> > >
> > > I had two more lines at the end:
> > >
> > > and soon
> > >
> > > the lawless cinema of dreams
> > >
> > > but a local poet friend, Ross Gillett, to whom I showed this,
> > > suggested
> > > truncating it to just eight lines as above. Any thoughts,
> > > poetryetcers?
> > >
> > > Bill
> > >
> > >
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