Thanks, Andrew.
JJ
________________________
Jill Jones
www.jilljones.com.au
Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press
http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones
----- Original Message -----
From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
To:
Cc:
Sent:Thu, 15 Mar 2018 13:48:27 +0800
Subject:Re: Night Walking Snap
Good one, Jill.
Andrew
On 15 March 2018 at 13:39, Jill Jones wrote:
> Hi Doug,
>
> Many thanks. And also for that very good suggestion which I'll
follow.
>
> Best,
> Jill
>
> ________________________
> Jill Jones
> www.jilljones.com.au
>
> Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press
> http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "Poetryetc: poetry and poetics"
> To:
> Cc:
> Sent:Wed, 14 Mar 2018 08:42:25 -0600
> Subject:Re: Night Walking Snap
>
> I like this a lot, Jill, the loss seeming to thread ever aspect.
>
> One small suggestion: because ‘seems’ well seems to be the
active
> aspect of the remembering in the poem, perhaps you dont need that
> ‘was’ in the first line? I hear ‘How strange last night, I
> beheld your face, electric’ as sounding sharper, leading in…?
>
> What then follows as felt in memory is finely tuned, indeed.
>
> Doug
>
> > On Mar 14, 2018, at 2:22 AM, Jill Jones wrote:
> >
> >
> >
> > THE UN-MARVELLING
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > How strange was last night, I beheld your face, electric
> >
> > with thought along with my unrest, alight and hollow
> >
> > when the night trees shivered and the block
> >
> > we walked seemed more cluttered than the road
> >
> > we used to walk, where every little plot
> >
> > and fence was tended, maybe we were too narrow
> >
> > maybe we lost our hunger then to care or look
> >
> > to stare at stars, to forget the way we marvelled
> >
> > how their brightness could also seem soft
> >
> > and how the moonlight would seem to strain
> >
> > through the canopy no matter how intense or thick
> >
> > how this strange loveliness may never come again
> >
> > how I wanted something - something I never quite got
> >
> > ________________________
> > Jill Jones
> > www.jilljonescom.au
> >
> > Latest book: Brink, Five Islands Press
> > http://fiveislandspress.com/catalogue/brink-jill-jones
> >
> >
>
> Douglas Barbour
> [log in to unmask]
> https://eclecticruckus.wordpress.com/
>
> Recent publications: (With Sheila E Murphy) Continuations &
> Continuations 2 (UofAPress).
> Recording Dates (Rubicon Press).
> Listen If (UofAPress):
>
> the way of what fell
> the lies
> like the petals
> falling drop
> delicately
>
> Phyllis Webb
>
>
--
Andrew
http://hispirits.blogspot.com/
Books available through Walleah Press
http://walleahpress.com.au
|